Monthly Archives: September 2011

Wood Tape is the story of a four year old’s trip to a hardware store. Every Dad will appreciate it. Continue reading →

Which brings me to today’s “ironclad rule of logically interacting with genetically engineered wolf by-products”: “When dealing with dogs, if it can fit in a microwave; put it in one.” Continue reading →

I’m not gonna’ tell you my birthday. You’ll just have to guess. But rest assured I do have one. Continue reading →

Have you ever been at a really rocking party where everyone is so wasted that they’re seeing different dimensions? Ever been stone cold sober at a party like that? It sucks. Everyone is having the time of their life and you’re just hoping to sneak out the back door before someone asks for a ride home and throws up in your car. You’ve got to get to work in the morning and think maybe some sleep would be in order. The host’s house is getting trashed. The blender is in the fish tank, someone has painted the cat blue, there’s a naked stranger sleeping on the porch, and the bathroom looks like a war zone. They’re begging you to join in and all you want is to get out of there…because you’re sober…and it’s not fun. The 2008 election cycle was the big party that wasn’t fun if you hadn’t drank the Kool-Aid. Continue reading →

Then I realized a terrifying fact. I was smiling and walking a dog the size of and weight of a bag of chips. Perhaps I could be seen! What if someone saw me walking a poodle? This wouldn’t do! I’ve got a reputation as a surly and bad natured ogre and I need to protect it! Walking a dog the size of a farm implement always seemed to fit my disposition. Walking a poodle might make me seem…approachable? Possibly even “pleasant”?!? The horror! Continue reading →

“When an honestly mistaken man sees the truth, one of two things happens: (1) he will either cease to be mistaken, or (2) he will cease to be honest…” Continue reading →

Those who were capable of learning from the events of 9/11 have done so. Those who weren’t capable of learning haven’t. Continue reading →