It’s Just A Phone

It’s no secret that I dislike “smart phones”.  (I also hate cell phones that spy on me, landline phone designs that screw me, and companies that merit a special place in hell.)  Honestly, what is it about telephones that brings out the Asshole in people?

I want a phone that’s cheap and makes a damn phone call.  Everything else, popular as it may be, is irrelevant.  I don’t want my truck to refrigerate beer, I don’t want my dog to make toast, I don’t want my door to make popcorn, and I don’t want my phone to play games.

So far, the cheapest and least annoying device I’ve found is a cheap old Trackphone.  With ample use of the “off” button, a Trackphone is “Curmudgeon Approved”.

That said, my old Trackphone is pretty hammered and it wont last forever.  Refusing to wade into the “smartphone” soup limits replacement options.  But now there is hope!

The ever interesting Roberta X posted briefly about John’s Phone.

Looks good to me!

What is John’s Phone?  According to the marketing blurb “it’s a no nonsense mobile phone, it doesn’t pretend to be anything more: no bullshit, just a phone to call, talk, and hang up.”

Be still my beating heart!  There is sanity in the world!

In the entire known universe this is about the only cell phone I like.  Someday…when my much abused Trackphone craps out maybe I’ll “upgrade”.

Update…it was reviewed here and they pretty much hated it.  Partly mocking folks who would be crazy enough to even consider it:

“…the unsophisticated audience it apparently targets including tweeners, the elderly, or twenty-somethings whose aim is to be conspicuously cynical when placing their cellphone on top of the bar.”

Awesome!  I can be called unsophisticated, elderly, tweener (WTF?), a twenty-something, and conspicuously cynical just for considering a phone that won’t transmit photos of my junk?  Really?  Has it gone that far?

But then they follow up with legitimate concerns which might actually matter:

“The fact that all three of the device’s switches are so frustrating to use is simply unforgivable on such a basic cellphone that’s supposedly rooted in ‘great design.'”

Luckily my old Trackphone has plenty of life left…no rush to replace that which isn’t broke.

Honorable mention goes to the many places that still sell “brickphones”.  I’ve sniffed around that option several times and considered buying one.  Alas they tend to price Curmudgeons out of the market and seem like a hassle.

Behold the amazing technology of a brick phone!