Mickey Mouse And The IRS

I was driving down the street when I passed a yahoo in a big blue foam Statue of Liberty outfit dancing around like a maniac.   He/she/it was holding a sign for a tax preparation service.  The sign touted “instant refunds”.  We all know “instant refunds” are loans of a person’s own money to himself at mathematically perverse rates…a burden willingly accepted by those who are bad at math and lack impulse control.

We all know the tax season brings out a juggernaut of pseudo-accountants and dipshits gloating over their “free money” refunds.  We’ve collectively gotten used to it.  I will not go down that slippery slope.

No!

1. The Statue of Liberty is a beacon of freedom.  It is not a representation of tax payments.  Just say “no” to that shit.

"Give me your tired, your poor. Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free." None of that has anything to do with tax policy!

2. If you are filing for a tax refund, you presumably have a job, can dress yourself, and are no longer a minor.  Do not make financial decisions based on some loon in a Mickey Mouse suit prancing around the sidewalk.

This is not a qualified tax advisor.

3. I have nothing against shit jobs.  If it’s the best of available options I’ll do almost anything.  I’ve got nothing against sign twirlers who are just trying to make an honest buck.  However I despise the idea that we’ve created the “job” called “sign twirling”.  Do we really want jesters hopping around like freaks on a street corner.  Is that our collective decision?  Is that how we want to expend our labors?  Really?

4. Every year I do my own taxes. It’s a pain in the ass but I do my own on principle.  I’d take a semester of boring tax rules courses at a community college before I’d entrust that kind of power to anyone who hires a chimp in a foam suit.

Thanks for listening.  You may now return to discussing Superbowl commercials.

Television. A little is good. A lot will turn a great nation into China's bitch.