Adaptive Curmudgeon

Maybe I’ll avoid the rain so long as the road doesn’t veer left.

Or maybe I’ll just take it in the teeth.

Danger Will Robinson!

When you get through a tough spot it’s good to look back take a picture and think WTF!Hm… hydrogen sulfide. Neat!

Locals did not help me interpret the sign.

An “oasis” on Badwater creek. I wouldn’t drink from Badwater creek but the shade was nice.

I found the place super peaceful.

Gorgeous view at camp!

One last storm cloud at sunset.

The storm hit pretty solid right after sunset but I slept through most of it. I was snug as a bug in a rug. None of my gear in the vestibules got wet either. Here’s a picture of the sunny clear morning after. All hail my trusty Lone Rider ADV tent! (Note the rocks; I couldn’t get all the stakes in so I punted and used rocks for some of the anchor points. It worked very well.)

The rough day turned mild as I rode past inert poison gas signs and countless antelope. Delightfully, nothing weird happened. I baked dry in the sun and settled into the rhythm of the trip.

My next milestone, the “town” of Lost Cabin, wasn’t really a town. It was entirely owned by an energy company. There were no services there.

From there I caught a few miles of pavement to Lysite which was technically a town and had a scant few services, I didn’t stop. I blew past my turn but caught myself when the pavement crossed a creek I was supposed to follow on dirt. I backtracked less than a mile and turned onto quite remote Badwater Road.

I was humming to myself. I chuckled that I’d only been on pavement a few miles and got lost while on pavement.

As one should, I began to think.

In the poem Paradise Lost, by John Milton, Satan says “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” At the risk of taking advice from Satan, I had a jolly good time riding 30-odd miles of absolute shit. Why? Because it was sunny and I was happy to be there. What more could I ever want from life?

The second reason I mention it is because it’s a glimpse “behind the curtain” of our current time of madness. I Googled the quote to make sure I had it right. In verifying a line out of Paradise Lost, written in 1667 to address Satan’s fall from grace, Google helpfully pointed out the line was written by the fifth Governor of Florida, who left office in 1865. This is AI. People who should be capable of better behavior already use AI. In time more people will get dumber as they believe AI over their own damn noggin!

In a Large Language Model, if words go together in a way that is plausibly similar to other arrangements of words in the “teaching set”, it will spew forth said words. Great tides of ignorant midwits stampede across social media and they will accept such bullshit at face value. Why not? They themselves are less human than possible and more Large Language Model than desirable.

We witness mobs of people publicly declaring their feelings and opinions solely to signal their membership in whatever group they desire. Unthinking meat-bots, they plausibly arrange words to sound like the center of the bell curve of their desired social status. Of this, they confidently speak. When you see a hundred people all agreeing on some specific thing as soon as the hot new thing is announced; that’s humans failing to be human. To me, they sound like seals barking because their words are not their own. The actual thing spoken (or written) is more a slogan than an idea. Most people in real life are not intelligent. Artificial intelligence is not intelligent. Due to these tw0 things, my computer reports facts that aren’t true.

John Milton, the 17th century English poet, and John Milton, a Civil War Era Governor of Florida are not the same thing. Ours is a time of mass stupidity because my computer says otherwise.

I had a point to all this so lets return to the 30 miles of nothing. My second day of the BDR was drawing to a close. The first day had been an “adventure”, the second first a slog and then a cruise. For 99% of that time I’d been off grid, away from media, out of cell reception, on dirt, and entirely engaged with nature. Why wouldn’t I be happy?

One thing about adventures, they’re not perfect. My ass was sore! Even with a sheepskin, the seat on a Yamaha TW200 is like a plank after several hours. But that’s ok. I had decided to get to Shoshoni and go no further. There would be gasoline, a restaurant with hamburgers (and softer seats than my bike), and there was a campsite nearby. All glory to my ass, which was metering the number of miles I could physically handle and doing so admirably.

I dithered about on that chunk of nowhere. I was happy as a clam. I liked that Badwater creek smelled like Sulphur. I’m sick of eco-twerps who bitch at me about plastic straws and think all of nature looks like the Ansel Adams poster they hang in their cubicle. Nature is not created solely to be a plaything of the idle classes. Sometimes the water is nasty because nature isn’t a playpen and geology has variation. Badwater creek wasn’t unpotable because Exxon took a shit there it was unpotable because that’s how it is. I found the honesty in my environment refreshing. I was at peace.

Far too early in the day, I emerged on pavement and slogged about eight miles to Shoshoni. I say far too early because I really ought to use that daylight to go further. Then again my ass and I had discussed things and I’d promised to stop riding at Shoshoni.

Shoshoni was a huge letdown. No burger joint! There was a single gas station with a righteous attached convenience store and pretty much nothing else. I topped off the bike and clambered into the store. I soaked up AC and gobbled up a gas station pizza (it wasn’t half bad).

The little tent icons on the map had misled me. Camp wasn’t exactly at the town. I would have to backtrack eight miles on pavement. My aching ass was not happy with the news.

I loitered near the gas station, using its Wi-Fi to examine my options; which were quite limited. Also my gadgets were dying. My cell phone wasn’t served by whatever service might have been there and its battery was almost gone. I dug out my iPad and used Wi-Fi to investigate alternate campsites to no avail. Reserving a campsite at the only campground was difficult with a non-cell device and probably not necessary but I was hindered by fading gadget batteries. I have a cigarette lighter plug with a USB adapter but it wasn’t keeping up with the load. My GPS and GoPro were deader than a doornail and my cell phone and SpotX were low.

I met two guys riding the BDR on ADV bikes. They bought a couple of gas station pizzas crammed one each in their huge saddlebags, and rolled out for camp. They had done several BDRs. They had their shit together. They made their decision and rolled out efficiently. When I grow up maybe I’ll be cool like that.

One thing I’ve seen motocampers do on YouTube is buy a sandwich at a deli somewhere and eat it at camp. Rather than Mountain House freeze dried, I’d do the same! I bought a sandwich and crammed it in my dusty luggage. I didn’t know what I’d find back at the campground. I assumed it would be empty but who really knows… and once there I’d be stuck. My ass would go on strike if I went 8 miles and then had to go somewhere else.

Batman and Kim Possible both have what I call “the man in the chair”. While the hero is actively doing hero stuff they contact their trusted help. “Alfred, I’m chasing the Joker down this dark ally, please have Uber deliver a box of ammo to my location.”

I fired up my SpotX and sent a short message to Mrs. Curmudgeon. “Please go to the Wyoming State Campground site and reserve a spot for me at Boysen State Park.” Without waiting for a response, I rolled out.

At the campground I turned on my SpotX and all was well. Mrs. Curmudgeon had made the reservation and reported it back to me on SpotX. She’d even looked at the online interface trying to choose a “pretty spot”. I was very relieved to have that stress handled. Her choice was indeed gorgeous, just like she’d hoped. I sent many words of thanks and then shut the nearly dead SpotX down. I plugged it into my Noco jumpstarter to charge overnight. Batman had Alfred but Mrs. Curmudgeon is way cooler!

The campground was nearly empty. The two ADV guys had setup a camp across the way. They were probably asleep before I’d pried off my riding boots.

Most riders “camp to ride”. They camp as a necessary hassle to facilitate more miles. I’m the opposite. I like camping. I tend to hang around the campfire “wasting time”. I’d happily gone from one campsite to another at a range of about 120-150 miles but I’d be just as happy at 50 miles.

Yay camping! I setup my fancy tent and sleeping system. I heated some hot cocoa. It was the first use of my old JetBoil on this trip! The sunset was gorgeous. I made a second round of hot cocoa.

The next campsite over a nice couple parked a Toyota pickup with a pop-up slide-in camper. They kindly invited me to join them. Surprisingly, they were driving the BDR! We sat by the fire talking about places we’ve been and things we’d done.

That night a storm blew in. Given the sedative effects of working my ass off two days straight, I slept like a baby. My tent rode the storm out like a boss. I found myself using the word “trusty” as an adjective when thinking about the tent.

It had been a good day.

The day before had been ridiculously eventful. That night I carefully took care of myself with rest, food, hydration, Ibuprofen, etc… It wasn’t enough. I had something like a hangover. Muscles ached like I’d been trampled by wildebeests and my head was sore.

My overpriced hotel room came with all sorts of cutesy crap. I’d like to say I didn’t want or need it, but the truth is I deeply appreciated everything. I needed to sleep in a warm dry room on a real mattress. That doesn’t mean it sucked to have a fluffy bathrobe provided and fancy soap to wash off the grime. Also the hotel breakfast was absolutely delicious. I found a few chocolates in the room, clearly left there for sweet female tourists and not muddy bikers. They found their way into my snack bag. I’d been lucky.

Even now, I’m disappointed I had to resort to the hotel but there’s no doubt I’d made the wise choice. It had rained on and off most of the night. I’d have been miserable in a tent and everything would have stayed damp. My stuff (carefully arrayed in the hotel room) mostly dried out. A hot shower eased seized muscles.

I packed (with a great deal of wincing and complaining), topped off the bike (which was running on fumes), and rolled out into a cloudy day. For once I wasn’t “behind schedule”.

The map indicated one of the “duller” sections on the BDR. That’s to be expected, every mile can’t be glorious. I was happy with “dull”. Almost ecstatic. I’d had far too much excitement so far. My plan was going to roll to Shoshoni on dull flat dirt roads and it should be an easy short ride. I’d call it a night early.

Nothing is as simple as it seems; hence my use of the word “adventure”. At the first juncture I had an option to go on a merry little trip through a canyon and that’s what the map recommended. The road surface was good and I was all for it. But a big cloud was already dumping on that area. Rather than ride straight into rain, I stayed on a “main” (still dirt) road a few miles longer. I planned to cut across to the canyon on a side road a few miles ahead.

A few miles later I realized the cross road was private. Damn!

Not a lot of people have been to truly empty places like Wyoming so I’ll elaborate:

There are places where private roads still exist and it’s ok. Please don’t get your panties in a bundle because it sounds weird. If you live in some generic place like Cincinnati you’ve probably never seen a road that exists without State / Federal funding. But it’s a big world out there. Maybe I grok a private road because my driveway at Curmudgeon Compound is several hundred yards long. It’s a short road but it’s a road. It’s 100% my problem, it exists 100% on my property, and sometimes I’d give my left nut to have someone else plow the fucking thing.

In most occasions private roads are open for public use. Agencies like the Forest Service often negotiate to facilitate this and other agreements tend to pop up. The day before I’d been on a private road for about 3 miles within a gap in a National Forest. Also, if the private entity is a large corporation they’ll usually offer public access anyway. “The Octan Corporation provides public access to this road at the user’s risk. Don’t forget Taco Tuesday!”

Private roads are not just for ranchers in Wyoming. The Golden Road, in Maine, is about 100 miles long and it was built by a paper  company. I’ve been on that road. I paid a fee for the privilege. I saw a “superlegal” truck (meaning too huge for public streets). It had a bumper sticker that said “We drive like we own the road because we do!” Here’s a link about it (the link is 30 years old but giant log trucks don’t generally make the papers).

This private road looked old school. “This isn’t Octan Corporation’s facilities. It’s Black Bart’s road and Bart likes nothing more than capping errant biker scum.” It was marked private and looked unwelcoming in some way I couldn’t quite define. It didn’t have a gate. I’m pretty fearless going anywhere and there was naught but a cattle guard, but I hesitated. Then noticed the big nasty cloud over the canyon route I wanted to access was getting uglier. How convenient! The place I couldn’t get to was going to suck anyway. I stayed on the “main” (dirt) road.

Rain hit and I rode through it. It would have been worse further out near the canyon. I was just on the edge of the big cloud. Eventually the rain ended and I started to dry out. Eventually the canyon route I’d skipped merged with the road I was on.

A few miles later I met the second of the three BDR motorcycle groups I’d meet on the trail. A little platoon of 6 bikes; 2 dual-sport and 4 ADV bikes. They passed going the opposite (“correct”) direction. They were bristling with cool gear and cameras. Honestly, I can’t help but be impressed how “hobbies” create such bitchin’ arrangements of people and gear. They were moving like a team of professionals; a well oiled machine. I’m sure every helmet was Bluetooth linked to every other helmet. I’m sure everyone had GPS on their dash. There are probably tactical groups in advanced militaries less perfectly equipped than these guys. My mule of a bike with a paper map seemed pathetic. The good news is I’m probably on someone’s epic YouTube video.

As they passed, I noticed one guy was standing on his pegs. As I understand it, standing on your motorcycle pegs is “style / technique” useful for maintaining balance in rough terrain. I have no style and don’t stand on my pegs ever. My bike and I are equally slow, stout, and dumpy, we roll along like a tractor, not a jet ski. The mystery is that the guy standing on his pegs was on a smooth ass road! This section of road could be traversed by a Honda Civic. Why would a top-of-the-line ADV and kitted out rider be standing on that? If there’s a reason, solo guys like me aren’t in on the secret.

Soon, I caught up with a road grader. It took up 90% of the road, spewed enough dust to obscure my view, and it had no intention of doing anything to let me by. After eating shit a few miles I spied a slightly wider spot in the road and zipped on by. I was covered with dust.

Then the rain hit for real. I was (once again) in a place with no shelter. It wasn’t nearly the gale of yesterday so I stoically kept riding. At first it was drizzle with occasional lightning. I was on a big long boring climb to Cottonwood Pass at 6,700′. This long slow ride through the rain was on a spot called “Lightning Ridge” and yes the lightning grew in intensity with elevation. Fuck me!

Since I started covered with dust from the road grader I was now covered in mud. Meanwhile the rain hit hard. And harder. And even harder!

This was my “boring day”?

I didn’t see a sign when I crossed the pass. By then it was raining at the rate of eleventy billion buckets per hectare. I sometimes couldn’t see where the front tire was hitting the ground. But I was on a pass or a ridge or whatever and there wasn’t much to do but keep riding as muddy water sprayed in my face. It was raining so hard that the water couldn’t flow off the road fast enough but the road was well maintained (probably by my buddy the road grader). Puddles forming on the gravel-ish road were only a few inches deep, maybe six inches max. Visibility sucked and the thunder was loud but traction wasn’t half bad.

Eventually all that shit ended and the sun came out. Whew.

Then I came to the next interesting thing; poison gas areas.

I’d been informed I would encounter this. Some places in Wyoming have a sign that says “do not enter when lights are flashing”. I’m pretty sure the sign means it. If you disobey any such sign you’ve earned what happens to you. Of course, it wasn’t flashing and it probably almost never happens, so 99% of the time it’s no big deal.

In the shadow of the friendly death sign I stopped to take a photo and put on dry socks.

I’ve never seen “poison gas signs” but I remember poison gas in the plot of Close Encounters of the Third Kind. That makes me appreciate the movie even more. I’ve fond memories of Richard Dreyfuss making a likeness of Devil’s Tower out of mashed potatoes. I’ve been to Devil’s Tower. I didn’t see poison gas signs there.

I assumed the risk was sulfur dioxide; presumably associated with natural gas extraction. But I don’t really know anything. When I wrote this post I Googled it. The answer isn’t obvious. Google is less factual than it once was, tourist sites seem reticent to discuss “poison gas”, and let’s face it… nobody goes where I was. (Update: I have verified that the risk is hydrogen sulfide, a nasty gas that is found mixed with natural gas in some deposits. It’s separated from the natural gas in facilities out there but if there’s a malfunction the sign will warn you to offski pronto and hopefully live.)

Google refers to a Wyoming Poison Gas Area that the BDR does indeed cross. It’s where uranium is mined and it sounds like they use the word “poison” when “radioactive” should apply. I could be wrong. Regardless the Wikipedia reference is for Carbon County, and I was hundreds of miles away.

A group of antelope seemed curious about my presence. One looked like a nice trophy, all looked tasty. So what the hell was I riding through? No idea. I asked the antelope and they wouldn’t tell me.

But I lived.

I meant to wrap up my “boring day” in 1,500 words. I failed. More to come.

Photos from my trip (in no particular order). The rock star of my cheap dual sport luggage, a Tusk Tank Bag:

New handguards. Cheaper than a visit to the ER for a wrist x-ray if I drop the bike.

Studly and expensive tent:

Tools and parts which were left with the truck:

Waterproof saddlebag draped over a 1 gallon Rotopax filled with unleaded, with a tool tube tucked inboard of the bracketry.

Sheepskin. Probably the most essential of all equipment.

Cheap-ass offroad lights. I planned absolutely zero riding after dark but things never go according to plan. These dumb $35 lights were a Godsend!

When nature is administering an ass whooping, I usually deliberately slow down. If you’re soaking wet, or cold, or lost, or twisted an ankle, or it’s dark when you planned on being in camp by sunset… you’ve already made one or more “mistakes”. Slow down and exercise caution lest you compound your stupidity. It’s generally not the first mistake that’ll kill ya’, it’s the second or third cascading out of control.

So, did I stick with my experience? Nope! Having gotten absolutely pummeled by thunderstorm a wise man will carefully unpack his bags, get out dry clothes, and get warm and comfy. Do that right away. If you’re super wet you might need to start a fire. If nature has absolutely curb stomped you, you might wind up spending the night right there! I had all my gear with me. The only thing at town was maybe a warm place to sit while eating a hamburger. Alas, I decided to “soldier on” rather than risk letting my dry stuff get wet too. One must make choices. I did.

What I didn’t realize was that the cold was seeping into my joints. I was already sore but now I was slowly “seizing up”. I didn’t recognize the effect on myself.

Oh well.

Strike 0 was the storm. Got caught out in the open and drenched.

Strike 1: the trail turned to thick sticky mud. My front tire tread was completely gummed up. It was hard to steer.

Strike 2: It was going to be dark soon.

Steady. Don’t panic. Tortoise wins, hair loses.

I broke out onto a gravel road. I gained a little speed and flung the mud off the front tire. Nice! It was lightly raining.

The bike went on reserve. Is that strike 3? I’d burned all the fuel in my “main tank” and now was running on the limited portion left. Meh, it’s probably no big deal. I had a gallon of “spare” fuel. Deploying it would be a hassle. I elected to keep running on reserve while the sun was up. If I had to fiddle with straps and stuff, I would do it after the fleeting sun was gone.

I took a turn. Oddly the canyon I hoped for kept not showing up. Was that Strike 3?

I stopped to reconcile my paper map to a digital map on my cell (out of service but the GPS works off grid). I’d jumped off the trail. The BDR meandered into a canyon which surely looked gorgeous but would be a pain in the ass in the dark. The turn I took was shooting straight toward my planned destination of Ten Sleep. Nice. I stuck with my impromptu shortcut. I didn’t want to miss scenery but I’d had enough fun for one day.

The road was cut into a steep hillside; steep wall on one side, drop off on the other. Three mule deer crashed down from the wall… there must be a path up there somewhere. They charged across in front of my bike and leapt down from the road. There must be a trail there too… but for all I know they needed parachutes to land.

The deer were a good omen. I’d be in a warm tavern soon!

Nope. The road was blocked.

Damn!

There’s “tree across the road” and there’s “TREE ACROSS THE ROAD”. This was a beast of a tree, clearly toppled during the windstorm just an hour earlier. It blocked the road perfectly. I couldn’t go off the road to get around it on either the uphill or downhill side. It was way too big to move with one guy’s strength.

I usually carry a little folding saw. It’s something like 6″. It wouldn’t help with this mess and I didn’t have it with me anyway.

I don’t know how many strikes I had against me but was time to regroup and adapt. No more “fleeing to warmth”. I dug through my bags and put on the “base” I’d paid so much for at REI (can you believe it was just a day ago!). I added dry socks and a dry t-shirt. My sweatshirt might never be dry again, but I had a ratty old blaze orange fleece as backup. I swapped from my soaked motorcycle gloves to a backup set. I felt a lot better.

I consulted the map, if I backtracked and then maneuvered through the canyon it would kill maybe 2+ hours just to get a couple miles from where I was standing. After that I’d still have 20 miles of riding left (mostly on pavement). I was tired of riding and elected to not backtrack.

There was no point in hiking out on foot. It was a good 15+ miles from any services. Best to wait and see what happens next. The road could serve as a flat spot should I elect to setup a tent. There was ample firewood… though soaked and low quality.

Camping on the road because it’s blocked is almost a cliché. That was my official “backup plan”. I could whip out my JetBoil and make a warm meal… maybe some hot cocoa.

If nobody showed up by morning I’d build a debris ramp to get up and over the log. As for the evening, the day was officially shot and using a makeshift ramp solo is a “do it in the sunlight” sort of thing. My target of a campground in Ten Sleep and a hamburger served in a warm tavern faded into impossibility.

A few deer hunters showed up on the opposite side of the tree. They piled out of a fairly shiny and new truck. It had no winch. They were polite and very nice.

We chatted. I assured them I was OK. In fact I was considering making cocoa. They asked about mule deer. I’d seen three… very close to my side of the log. They pondered this. They had less than an hour of shooting light and people don’t like to abandon their vehicle. They weren’t willing to hike on my side of the log. They backed up, turned around, and left.

Once again I was alone.

Having seen a truck in only half an hour of waiting, I figured more would come. This was good and bad news. Good news is sooner or later someone would have a winch and a chainsaw. Bad news is that setting up a tent in the road could bite me in the ass. (There was nowhere to camp that was off the road.) After the hassle of setting up a tent I might fall asleep only to have someone show up, clear the log, and roust me out of bed. The minute the log was moved everyone would want the weirdo and his tent out of the way!

I waited a bit more. Another truck showed up. This was bear hunters. The fun kind that drink… lots. Real nice people.

I was offered a Coors Light. Then another Coors Light. I was just warming up and didn’t want ice cold piss water beer, but it couldn’t be avoided. Every time someone saw I had two empty hands they assumed a beer needed to be in one. I accepted a can just to be sociable.

“You’re traveling alone?”

“Yep.”

“You’re nuts.”

“Feels like it right now.”

“What were you going to do if we didn’t show up?”

“Start a small warming fire and setup my tent. I can whip up dinner on my JetBoil and maybe some hot cocoa. I’ve got a cigar so I might enjoy that too.”

They nodded like I was mad. Redneck bear hunters travel in packs and (I guess) never leave the truck. A goofball camping solo by his little bike just doesn’t compute.

They assessed the log and left. They returned ten minutes later with someone in a UTV and the same truck… and more beer. The guy in the UTV seemed a respected elder?

They had redneck labor, a truck, a UTV, beer, and a friendly dog. Did they have a winch? Nope. Did they have a chainsaw? Nope. Eventually someone produced the world’s most tattered rope. Finally! I knew the log would be cleared eventually.

The truck owner, maybe the only sober one in the group, didn’t like the idea of tearing up his truck pulling the giant log. I didn’t blame him. With this labor force I could stack debris to make a ramp up and over in two shakes of a lamb’s tail. I suggested that.

They decided ramps were lame. They’d just dead lift the whole bike over the log… which is a good way for a buzzed redneck to drop a Yamaha from waist high onto his foot. I said “lets see if the truck can move the log first”. That slowed their chaos before things got out of hand.

Meanwhile the dog and the UTV operator were thinking. The UTV guy picked a branch near a break in the half rotten log and said “pull this one”. He’d found a key point of weakness. Well done! The dog concurred by peeing on the branch. The truck operator shrugged and started stringing his frayed old rope.

Voila!

The log pivoted, broke, and a 3′ long hunk was dragged backwards to be kicked into the ditch by helpful observers. Go team redneck!

They were setting up for a second pull but I asked them to pause and let me scoot past. I crushed my empty can of swill and strapped it to the bike, thanked everyone profusely, pet the dog, and zipped away.

They’d been a fun bunch.

Half an hour later I popped out on pavement in the pitch dark. My off road lights worked well. I’d hoped to never need them. Here I was; dependent on them in one day!

Pavement was a twisty canyon; not the short hop I expected. I’m sure it was beautiful. In the dark all I saw was signs warning me of one hairpin turn after the other. It was steep enough that my TW200 rolled down at “traffic speed”. I wasn’t holding anyone up and in fact I never saw anyone. I couldn’t have managed those tight turns any faster in a Lamborghini anyway.

I pulled into Ten Sleep at 8:45 pm. The town, including dogs and cats, goes to bed by 9:00 pm. I had no idea where the brewery was but I’d been assured by the bear hunters it would be closed at this hour. The brewery was associated with the campground. So the campground would be unattended too; even if I could find it.

I saw a hotel. The owner greeted me like a man who holds all the cards. He was closing at 9:00 pm. Did I want a room or not? Hastily, I paid full rate (it wasn’t cheap).

The only place still open for food was a hippie burger place called “One Cow”. Theoretically, they were already closed but they were super nice and made me a burger. The food was excellent but seating was pavilions; outside in the misting rain. So much for a warm dry dinner.

At the hotel I spread my stuff out to dry, took Ibuprofen, called home so people knew I was alive, and collapsed in bed. I was super, extra, mega sore. I couldn’t fall asleep until midnight.

I’d had a stupidly huge portion of “adventure” in just the first day! I hoped the next would be far less dramatic.

I can’t say I didn’t have ample warning. This particular engine of mayhem spent hours building up in the distance; only to steamroll me when the time was right.

Bad luck, the only rock shelter overlooked a small canyon and faced the storm. It would focus the wind and blast me.

Very pretty though.

This “tree” was pathetic shelter… but it was better than the “nothing” that was my other option.

After the brunt of the storm passed, there was a brief period of blue sky and mild showers. I rode through that and slowly dried out.

The air might have been dry-ish but the road surface wasn’t. I dropped from a high area where the trail was wet sand to a slightly different area where the trail was wet mud and sticky cowshit. My front knobby tire packed solid and steering went from “soft” to “practically uncontrollable”.

There was a rainbow. I caught only a sliver of it though.

Sunset looms. Behind “schedule” indeed!

The mystery and joy of “adventures” is that time becomes malleable. It was mid-afternoon and I’d already lived a year’s fun. I’d been through regret and uncertainty as my little bike struggled over a high altitude pass on smooth pavement. I’d been justly pleased with my choices as the rugged little bike climbed over a remote pass on its native habitat of dirt. And now I had settled into a deep feeling of contentment. All concerns of the outside world were irrelevant.

Eating beef jerky and drinking lukewarm water at the more or less unpopulated and completely service free “town” of Hyattville might have been the most mellow moment I’d had in months. All was well with the world.

But of course, that was just part of the story. The rest of the story is that a dark cloud was rumbling in the distance, I was behind “schedule”, and my leg was aching something fierce.

The leg wasn’t a mystery. Normally I swing my leg over the bike like a cowboy getting into a saddle but now that I’d loaded the rear of the bike with all sorts of bulky shit I had to “high kick” to get my right leg over the seat. It was an unnatural use of muscles long neglected. Each time I winced a bit.

As for being behind schedule, I shrugged. There was a campsite at Ten Sleep (and a microbrew with good food it was said). If I got there a little after dark so be it.

As for the cloud, it was what it was. Hopefully I’d make the canyon. Beyond that I had no plans.

The route climbed up onto a long desert flat. From there it looked like it dove into a canyon, squiggled around in the canyon for a while, and then popped out on pavement a scant few miles from Ten Sleep.

I rolled out of town, got up on the exposed flat and happily puttered through the desert. The cloud chased me alarmingly. Nothing I could do about it though. I hoped to get to the canyon before the storm hit. I wasn’t too worried because this isn’t my first rodeo (at least with deserts). In a deep canyon I could hunker down in some nook or cranny. I’d munch on snacks, wait out the storm, and then emerge a little muddy. No big deal.

WRONG!

The empty flat desert got higher, flatter, more exposed, and sandy. It became the textbook definition of a place you don’t want to be when a storm hits and there was nothing I could do about it. The trail’s twists and turns meandered in the general direction but didn’t seem to make much progress. You can’t go faster than you can go and this trail wasn’t smooth enough to let me “hustle”.

The front edge of the storm hit with gusts of wind. Dust devils sprang up at random intervals. The trail wound back and forth. Sometimes I was cross to the wind. Other times I was parallel and it was at my back. Crosswind was hard work but manageable. A gritty stream blasted across my view so intensely I wondered if it would sandblast the paint right off my bike! That seemed unlikely but you had to be there. Even so I could keep the stout little bike upright and chugging along. Whenever I was parallel to the wind it was much worse. Airborne dirt had a chance to build up and it went full “white out”. Maybe that’s the wrong word. I’m a northern guy and “white out” is when blowing snow obscures all vision. I’ve no idea what a “dirt out” is called.

I sought in vain for shelter. Anything, even a rock where I could huddle in the lee away from the wind, would be better than exposed. But there was nothing. Finally the white out completely obscured all vision and there was nothing left to do. I was near a shabby pine. It was bent and scraggly and about as tall as a Christmas tree. That would have to do.

I put down the kickstand right there in the middle of the trail. If a truck came by it might flatten my bike… but I couldn’t see to do anything else. Most likely any truck would be blinded and stopped by the storm too. Plus I had seen a grand total of two motorcycles all day anyway.

I staggered off the bike, pulling my “high kick” muscles mightily in the effort, and stumbled into the tree. Literally… I fell into it’s branches. I have an Aerostich jacket and pants. They’re tough like a fireman’s jacket. I zipped every pocket and closure tight. I left on my helmet. I sat on the dirt.

All hell broke loose!

The leading edge winds had been intense, the ensuing rain was far worse. It was a maelstrom.

Rain fell hard. Giant icy drops the size of marbles. The wind hit like a train and grew with intensity at every gust. The rain landed like shotgun blasts. The planet’s atmosphere seemed focused on my little piece of desert; concentrated into a great flood tide rolling over the human gnat caught in the endless plain!

I expected my Aerostich jacket to handle the rain. It didn’t. It was instantly soaked through. My gloves turned to mush. I was chilled to the bone. The only part of me that stayed dry was the back of my head, where my helmet (which I hadn’t removed) bore the brunt. My face was soaked and windburned.

Well… shit!

I wanted to grab a tarp to wrap around me. Unfortunately, I’d made a mistake when packing. I had a small tarp that packs to about the size of a sandwich. In order to “lighten the load” I’d left it behind. My tent had a suitable ground tarp (that for marketing purposes also has SOS printed on one side… better not let that side show!) but it was rolled with the tent itself. If I opened the tent bag my tent would be instantly soaked. Better to preserve the dryness… that’s where I was going to sleep in a few hours!

Shivering, I thought about the warmer clothes I’d packed. However, I decided to NOT open my waterproof saddlebags. If I opened them while getting blasted by God’s pressure washer, all the contents would be soaked. My sweatshirt, tied to the outside of the mess, was a sponge.

I hunkered down, jerking involuntarily every time lightning struck, and waited. It was a longer wait than I expected. And colder and more miserable too. But it was what it was.

I thought about modern humans. So very few of us have ever been anywhere in nature. Of those that have, most travel in cars or trucks. I thought about sitting in the cab of a Toyota; heater on, windshield taking blasts instead of my face, maybe the radio burbling in the background. Sitting in a chair… with a roof. Damn that sounded nice.

Not for me. I was getting an experience entirely unlike that. Maybe most modern people have no experience with what I endured. To them, it’s a cartoonish camping trip. To me, with the bike almost invisible not 10 feet away, my clothes soaked, my body cold, and no shelter… I fretted that I should have made better choices. I might as well be a caveman shivering under a pelt. Except a caveman would probably be smart enough to arrange shelter better than I had.

But… did I die?

Nah. I ate shit for a while and then the rain let up. Am I not a strong tough biker dude? Is not suffering, at least a little, good for you? As my Grandma used to say “you’re not going to melt!”

Though beaten, demoralized, and soaked, I was still there after the storm. I stood up, shook it off, and high kicked my ass back onto my soaking motorcycle. I was still a long way from town.

Adventure indeed!

After the cattle drive I had to make the first decision of the trip. The path splits in two. There’s an “alternative” (or “advanced”) option and there’s what I can’t help but call the “lame ass wimp” option.

Here I was; looking at the fork in the road. I knew this moment would come. I’d given myself a stern talking to. Here’s my internal rant I gave to myself:

The goal of this trip is to succeed; not to flame out in a blaze of awesome. I’m starting five hundred miles past my comfort zone, each mile hits the afterburner, and despite willingness to do risky shit, I’m still mortal. Having never done anything like this before and given the fact that I’m doing it solo and I chose to employ a “toy” motorcycle… I solemnly promise my future self that I will select every “wimp” chance I get.

Easy peasy right? Wrong! Past Curmudgeon had already rehearsed the right choice at this juncture. Future Curmudgeon really didn’t want to wind up in the ER with a twisted ankle. But Now Curmudgeon… that bastard is fearless!

I sat there like an idiot, astride my cheap little farm bike battling my inner Don Quixote. There’s windmills to tilt! Just you and me Rocinante! Shall we drop the clutch and go for it?

No.

This is not a fucking poem and just being here means I’m on “the road less travelled”. So take a chill pill and go easy on yourself like a rational adult.

I did not take the turn to the East to what the map called “Alt Harder Woodchuck Pass”. I stayed on pavement.

Damn, it’s weird how much I hate leaving a challenge “un-accepted”!

What’s worse is that I was still on pavement and it was silky smooth but it was the absolute worst habitat for me and this particular bike. My TW200 (Honey Badger) has the heart of a lion but the lungs of a chipmunk. The road was a long smooth steady climb and there’s just not enough oxygen up there. The single piston 200cc carbureted lawnmower-ish engine was struggling. I gave it absolutely every bit of throttle and downshifted. We crawled higher and higher.

The TW200 is a brick shithouse of a machine. I’m not sure what it would take to melt the poor air cooled beast into slag… but I’m sure I was pushing it. Flat out giving it all she got we kept climbing. I downshifted again. The engine didn’t seem hot but it was clearly struggling. How long could this continue?

I feared my equipment was going molten not 10 miles out. And that’s just from rolling on smooth pavement! What did the “expert” section hold? Dragons?

I started to have doubts. I have a Honda PC800 and a Honda Shadow 1100 and both have gobs of spare power. Both would blast up this hill like it wasn’t there… and with liquid cooling, they’d do it without stress.

Maybe I took the wrong bike. Maybe this is all a mistake.

At the peak I stopped and let the suffering bike cool.

I paced about calming myself. It’s just altitude… at some point there’s no more altitude left. This is your first “adventure ride” but not your first mountain campout. Chill out!

And I did. As soon as the pass was over we plunged thousands of feet into Shell Canyon. The bike coasted happily, barely over idle. I still felt stupid. I was coming out of the clouds at a relaxing 50 MPH, which is stupidly slow. The pavement was smooth and orderly; perfect for canyon cruising! I’d brought a toy where a street bike belonged.

At Shell Canyon I crossed into dirt… finally! From there everything brightened. Instead of feeling stupid at 50 MPH on a ribbon of pavement I was a happy camper at 40 MPH on a mellow dirt road.

I no longer longed for my pavement bound bikes… I was finally in the right world! The dirt road was unremarkable, just dirt. I began to have heretical thoughts about scooters. Would an Honda ADV 160, a scooter with a tiny 160cc powerplant but with fuel injection, serve better than my archaic “farmbike”?

As if in answer, the road started climbing.

No big deal to Honey Badger. The climb on dirt was less steep and slowed by rocks and gravel. It was starting to look like terrain a scooter might not like.

A few miles later I broke into “private road”.

Private roads (at least ranch roads) are a little less maintained than Forest Service roads. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, but it was enough to get my attention. I was thoroughly enjoying myself.

The scenery… it was gorgeous. Miles and miles of sky and mountain… with cows here and there. It was glorious. For the first time, I hit my groove. I’d done well. It was a good place to be.

Did I mention the road kept climbing? Soon it was back on Forest Service maintenance but it was still quite remote.

I topped out somewhere around 8,600′ and finally went back down. Somewhere around there my GPS battery died and it’s not like the “pass” had a sign. So I’m not 100% sure where the pass was.

No matter, I’d planned for things like that and frankly I prefer paper maps anyway. It was still a surprise that the damn GPS conked halfway into day 1. I put my GoPro on the handlebars and the GPS wound up wasting space in my saddlebags.

I think, but don’t know, that this photo is from Snowshoe Pass. See that tiny little dirt road… is there anything more inviting than that? And yes, that’s where I was headed.

I was happy to drop down in elevation. The day warmed up. My sweatshirt, which had been essential, was now dead weight. I strapped it to my gear, where it gathered dust like my own personal Swiffer.

I’d meant to ride without it but just didn’t trust the thermal underclothes I’d bought. I’d paid top dollar for a thermal top and bottom at an REI with a 94 degree parking lot just the day before. I was still smarting from the elitist burn of doing business with snobs. What cretins like me call “thermal underwear” is “base layer” to REI staff… and then shortened to “base” in some sort of anti-deplorable signaling. Whatever the case may be that meant I had a floppy sweatshirt in an environment where I shouldn’t have used it in the first place. Oh well.

The ride got prettier and prettier. I stopped to hydrate and eat a snack. The ride was a workout. It would be easy to get dehydrated!

All this time I’d seen nobody.

I thought I might find “civilization” at a place called Paintrock Lodge. I might be able to get a cold coke and a hamburger. When I passed it I was too happy riding to stop.

A few miles later I wound up lost in Medicine Lodge Lake campground. It was the first place I’d met anyone. I think people accessed that area from the other side and I’d come in from the “mountains” side. I wound up chatting with a nice older fella camping there. He pointed me to the “trail”.

Boy did the “trail” change! It went from “road you could take a basic F150 on without fretting” to “maybe a lifted Toyota if you know what you’re doing”. This was the first section that was more like an ATV trail.

The photo doesn’t do it justice.

Then again, my bike isn’t a wimpy bike and I’m not a complete wuss. We climbed though a couple miles of that and burst into yet a totally different environment.

Just look at it! It’s called Bighorn’s Viewpoint. GLORIOUS!

As I was gazing at eternity two motorcycles rolled up. They were dual sport riders from far away. They were outfitted like absolute pros. The two of them had done three BDRs counting this one. They were almost done, I was just starting (remember I chose to do the trail “backwards”).

We chatted a bit and then they saddled up and zoomed off. I felt pretty inadequate. They had better gear, better skills, and excellent hair. I was just a dusty guy on his first real ride.

Highlight of our discussion; “Traveling alone eh?” Raised eyebrow. “That certainly adds to the challenge.”

I’m not good at speaking human. I’d like to think he was impressed but I’m guessing he was calculating the odds I’d be vulture meat within the week.

Having dragged myself away from the viewpoint, the trail turned back into a road.. though a steep and messy one. As usual, the camera makes a steep decline look flat. Trust me on this, it wasn’t.

Soon I broke out of the trees and into the arid, sagebrush of a long steep steady decline back into what one might call “civilization”.

You might think this was boring, but it wasn’t. Not to me. I’m not a “technical” rider nor a “speed” guy. I like ambling… and this was perfect.

Somewhere around there my GoPro battery died. Honestly I’ve never looked at my GoPro files. I was there, I wanted to avoid getting swept up in “documenting it”. The GoPro rode the rest of the day on my handlebar deader than a doornail.

Eventually I popped out at what the map calls “Hyattville (No Gas)”. I’d already had a hell of an adventure. Views to last a lifetime! I sat on a log next to a bar that was out of business, drank a ton of water, and ate snacks. What a perfect day!

But the day wasn’t even close to over! Stay tuned because what I thought would be a mellow cruise to my evening destination of Ten Sleep was absolutely not mellow. So much “stuff” got crammed in my first day!

I try to avoid personal details in my blog. I know that anonymity and blogging are pretty much polar opposites but I give it a shot. One effect of that is that when folks make a donation they don’t always get feedback. (I try to send a personal thank you note each time but I’m not very disciplined and sometimes forget.)

Anyway, here’s two peeks behind the curtain.

The much appreciated chainsaw repair:

A handful of folks signed up to support me on Patreon. They may be forgiven for thinking I don’t notice but I do. Each month Patreon ships me a few bucks from my handful of fans. Also an occasional one time donation floats in from Patreon or “Buy Me A Coffee”. The links are on the right side of the page.

The funds sit in a PayPal account. They are not forgotten, they are stored.

Last week I tried to cut firewood but my chainsaw was obstreperous. The damn thing just didn’t want to start.

I don’t blame the saw. I use it pretty hard and it’s not new. All things require maintenance.

On the other hand, I keep that saw in top notch condition and I kinda’ freaked out it was dead. I want to always have a saw that starts. It’s gotta’ start every time! First of all, I might need it in an emergency. The second reason is pure utility. When a saw balks at starting it’s easy to lame your arms out yanking on the starter cord. If it doesn’t start right away I wear myself out with the saw and then (once it sputters to life) I can’t get enough work done with the remainder of my strength.

So… dead saw. Shit happens. Possibly it’s an easy fix but winter is coming and I don’t have a lot of time. I chucked the saw in my pickup and hauled ass to the saw repair guy. I got there just before he closed and dropped off my Stihl at what I’m calling “the saw spa”.

In unrelated news I’ve had cascading household expenses this month. Don’t fret. I’ll recover in due time, but at the moment it has overwhelmed my resources. I’m totally tapped out. When the saw guy called “come pick up your saw” I had no cash to buy it out of hock. Dammit!

After a few minutes I realized I could tap PayPal, scoot it to the saw guy, and get back in the firewood business. The saw guy was a little skeptical. I live in the hinterland. Some weirdo trying to pay with PayPal is a lot like if I showed up with some junk silver or tried to barter with a few bottles of top end whiskey.

But… the transfer worked. To his surprise and my delight he got paid and I got my saw back.

Thanks!

The sleeping bag of happiness:

I link to Amazon from time to time. I don’t wish to “monetize” my site so much as when I buy a thing and it’s cool or works well I’d happily spare other people the need to “reinvent the wheel”. I know I like recommendations when I see them on other blogs.

Anyway, if you click the link on my blog and buy anything, I get a small kickback. It doesn’t have to be the thing I’m talking about. Suppose I really like my little Red Camp portable wood stove and link to it. Suppose you click the link, think the stove is for dorks, and buy a nuclear powered Russian icebreaker instead. Amazon is perfectly happy sending me a kickback on the icebreaker. (Also if someone reading this buys a Russian icebreaker. Please for the love of God let me take a ride! And why the hell was it for sale on Amazon?)

Anyway the kickbacks take the form of a small trickle of Amazon gift certificates. It’s highly variable. Some months I’ll get nothing. Some months it’s a pittance. (This month I’m sitting at a little over $2.50) The entirety of last year I only got $30 (for the whole damn year!). But other times I recommend something that resonates and several people buy it. Or someone clicks the link and then buys something expensive. (Once a person bought a hot water heater! It was like a party to me!) This July, for no reason I can tell, people bought lots of little stuff and I “earned” over $100! Wow!

All these gift certificates sit unused, sometimes for years. Until I need them. You know how I bought a sleeping bag and saddlebags for my most recent adventure? Well those were partially covered with Amazon gift cards. (Not entirely, but every bit helps.)

So there ya’ go. Y’all bought Amazon stuff that y’all wanted, and that led to me getting the saddlebags and sleeping bag I desperately needed for my recent adventure. I think of it as a cycle of good vibes. Yah, I sounded like a nerd when I typed that sentence. What do the kid’s say? Cringe?

Whatever, they’re just kids. Cringe or not, I very much appreciate my gear staying dry and my body not freezing on my last adventure.

Thanks!

Leaving Lovell WY.

No further pictures from the climb up route 14A. This was taken after all the exciting parts were done and I pried my hands off the steering wheel.

Bear Lodge is a little rundown but it’s also a perfect wilderness lodge. It has everything you need; food, beer, fuel, lodging, camping, etc… I liked it there.

Camping the night before the big adventure.

My bike before I start strapping shit to it.

Add water and gas (1 gallon each) using Rotopax.

Add saddlebags and the very handy tank bag.

Then… all hell breaks loose and you hope the RokStraps will save you.