All last week the “news” kept braying about SNAP would be interrupted if the “shutdown” wasn’t resolved. As usual, this tiny interruption was presented as the end of life as we know it.
Unfortunately, I lived through 2020. After COVID I don’t see the world the same. I no longer reject the idea of huge groups of people irrationally losing their shit over things I consider minor. On Halloween I ventured into Walmart and bought groceries “just in case” everyone loses their Goddamn mind. (I did the same “pre-bullshit shopping before COVID” and it turned out to be a good call). I don’t like Walmart but it was surprisingly civilized.
Back at home it turned to November 1 and I “tuned in” to see what happened. There were three options:
- SNAP was interrupted; with or without a pants shitting hysteria and Baltimore imploding.
- SNAP was not interrupted; with or without a pants shitting hysteria and Portland continuing to implode.
- A mix of #1 and #2. SNAP was interrupted in some places and not in others. Then I could amuse myself mapping out which states and cities were losing their fucking minds and which were inhabited by sane people.
(There’s a fourth option which I hadn’t considered.
Radio silence.
What the fuck?
Not one source of “news” reported SNAP is still running. Not one source of “news” reported SNAP is interrupted. It’s “Schrodinger’s News”, it is simultaneously interrupted and not. Whichever flake a person out the most is what they believe.
I’d give my left nut for just one “reporter” to post an article that goes like this: “I’m here with Sally Sobstory at the local Dollar Store in location X. She’s trying to buy a six pack of Monster energy drinks and a bag of Doritos using her SNAP (EBT?) card. And the rseult is…”
I had popcorn ready to go!
The best I got is “some random judge in Rhode Island ordered the president, who doesn’t have the authority to spend money not allocated by Congress to spend the money which Congress has not allocated, because penumbras and emanations and shit.” Even that is inconclusive. If a judge says something it doesn’t immediately follow that the thing is done. “A judge in Rhode Island just ordered that Trump shove a kazoo up his ass… we turn now to CNN which has a camera setup to view the…”
I’ve given up trying to figure it out. It’s day 34 of the “shutdown” and it seems somewhat unrelated to reality. Some folks are going without a paycheck, which is something we’ve all experienced at one time or another. Most people aren’t missing their “services”, or if they are I’m not hearing much about it. (The “press” yaps about “air traffic controllers calling in sick to deliver Doordash” but I don’t buy it. It feels like they found the only job that everyone can understand as essential. If there’s someone smart enough to be an air traffic controller and stupidly desperate enough to need Doordash cash just to get through the day, that’s a person with issues. They’ve got gambling debts or a cocaine habit or buy too many Hummel figurines on Amazon. Such a person is probably unstable. They shouldn’t be trusted with flight routing. Also, a whole lotta’ Feds aren’t air traffic controllers.)
Meanwhile it’s day 3 of “SNAP might be interrupted but I guess it’s not. At least nobody is saying “it actually happened”.
Nor do I know how a judge can order the Executive to expend funds which Congress didn’t allocate. But it could be a thing. Maybe there’s some clause somewhere I don’t yet know about.
UPDATE:
I figured it out!
The longest “shutdown” ever was 35 days; December 22, 2018 through January 25, 2019.
If the “shutdown” ends today it won’t be “the worst ever”. Logically, it’s gotta’ go at least another day or two to “set a record”.
I didn’t realize how close we were to greatness.
Well done everyone! I like to see people reach for the stars. Congress is really outdoing itself with a record length “shutdown”. Impressive! You popped my corn fellas!
A record “shutdown” is so awesome that the “press” might stop talking about “balls” (or “ballrooms”. Frankly that’s a shame because I was enjoying talk of ballrooms.
A.C.
P.S. I will leap with joy like nobody ever has if the newly constructed ballroom is opened with this song:
