Today is the day of the “debate”. Ugh! “The Thing That Haunts Dem’s Nightmares” and “Totally Legit Joe” are going to “match wits”. I think I just got sick.
It’s bullshit and you know it:
First of all, nothing happening in the CNN studio is going to change anyone’s mind. It might be fun to watch “Ow My Balls” on TV but don’t think that makes you a better or more informed voter. Both players have had approximately 10,000 hours of press over the last 50 years to demonstrate what they say. More importantly if you’re not dumber than a sea slug you have seen for yourself what they’ve done. There’s no need to examine words, you’ve seen both do the job for 4 years and you’ve seen both through their long public careers.
Folks who make decisions based on a “debate” (if they ever existed) haven’t been paying attention since JFK’s hair was better than Nixon’s on black and white TV in 1960. In 2024, you’ve either hardened your opinion into granite or you’re a flake who’ll serially agree with whomever you last interacted.
This election is more or less over. What “uncertainty” there is comes exclusively from the 6% of the populace that is either in a coma, stoned, or so clueless they can’t identify the two participants. That and the 2,938% of the ballots that will be found at 2 am November 6th. They’re probably already in the back of a truck which is already idling outside of whichever counting venues have the greatest statistical influence. But of course, such conjecture is de facto illegal in 2024 so I’m just saying it as satire.
The thing that won’t happen but would be cool:
Orange Man Bad is one hell of a showman. I wouldn’t put it past him to use the 11.3 seconds his mic is live to drop the name of his VP pick. That alone would send everyone scurrying for Wikipedia while Captain Depends sought to regain attention.
I picture Biden shouting: “Hey fat! I’m still here and I fought in the trenches of WW1 in Delaware to earn this attention. I didn’t take enough shots of meth to kill a trailer park in Tennessee just to be ignored! I’m relevant gosh darn it!” He begins to shake with anger as Trump’s smug smile shreds his brain until he comes off the drugs like all of Fleetwood Mac going straight in a heartbeat. Biden pictures his signature accomplishments from decades ago; Amtrak. “I like trains.” He mutters. Jill swoops in to shuffle him back to his recliner, while flipping the bird at Trump, who is trying to browbeat the cameraman into voting for him.
But what I really want to hear is this:
“Today I’m announcing my VP pick; Mike Rowe. You know the guy. He did the TV show Dirty Jobs. Very good guy, the greatest really. Our first joint announcement will be the ‘if you aren’t currently wearing scuffed work boots, you ain’t getting shit from welfare’ initiative. God bless you all and would someone bake me a cake with a file in it next week. Thanks!”