Adaptive Curmudgeon

Camping! Part 4

I woke to the sound of a truck driving away. They’d unhitched and left their ice shack trailer behind. Unlike them, I was in no mood to go anywhere for any reason. I sat around percolating coffee on my camp stove.


Here’s where I mention another camping equipment “test”. I have a huge 5 gallon Igloo water cooler. The big ugly industrial version. I bought it over 20 years ago and used it on many brutal hot desert 4×4 rides. It’s still good as new! I haven’t been bringing it on campouts recently simply because I didn’t heed that much water. (I’m not camping in deserts.)

It was just a hunch to try it in freezing conditions. I wasn’t sure if the Park would have a water supply (turns out it didn’t!). So for winter camping, I brought liquid water in the cooler and hoped the cooler would keep the water from freezing. IT WORKED WELL!

I was impressed. I had some plastic water bottles and they froze solid. The cooler water didn’t freeze at all. Even the spigot stayed thawed. I sat it on the edge of the picnic table and it dispensed water just like a little faucet. I’m glad I didn’t have to fart around melting ice to make my coffee!

I highly recommend Igloo Water Coolers. You know the type I’m talking about. The big huge, expensive, industrial yellow and red cooler is almost a cliché. It’s the kind of thing you see strapped to truck boxes on construction sites. It’s too big for backpacking but in this instance it was perfect. It’s worth it to buy the more expensive but tougher one. Mine looks like new after 20 years and that’s the highest possible praise.


The long pleasant campfire the night before had used much more wood than I’d planned. I was nearly out. Regardless I was chilly so I started a fire. I could get more small form wood for the woodstove but I would be hard to keep a wasteful campfire going all day.

Another of my “neighbors” packed up his trailer and rolled out. I looked to be the only doofus who was going to stay put. I pondered this while cooking bacon and eggs and listening to some sort of opera on my shortwave.

The campsite abandoned by the truck and trailer had a lot of wood just sitting there. I’m more a wilderness camper than a Park guy. This was an ethical dilemma. It would be a serious asshole move to swipe all that fine (still shrink-wrapped!) wood if the guy was coming back. What were the odds he was coming back? It seemed small.

I thought about it for two full pots of coffee. But I did nothing. I’d come here to relax.

A little before noon a park ranger rolled by. She was doing a once daily patrol of the handful of sites that were open for weirdo winter campers. Aside from me and a few chickadees, the whole area was bereft of life. I felt sheepish. I probably looked like an idiot. I was dressed in a heavy blaze orange jacket and fur hat. I was sitting in a lawn chair by a fire that was almost out (and I only had one stick of wood left!). I was sipping coffee and reading my book while opera (played very quietly) burbled in the background.

She slowed down and I braced myself to get bitched out about parking passes. I got up, stretched, and walked toward her truck. I had a checkbook in a pocket in case I needed to buy a parking pass. Something about modern times, one forgets people are sometimes nice. She was all smiles and pleasantness. She wasn’t there to be Gestapo, just make sure the Park was secure. I’ve no idea how such a nice person got a job with the State.

I asked if the Park headquarters were open. (It’s a big park. I had entered from the least trafficked entrance and one with no services.) Would the headquarters have wood for sale?

She said they had wood but then motioned to the pile I’d been watching for hours. “It’s your lucky day, you could use that.”

“You think they’re gone and not coming back?”

“Nobody takes their trailer with them on a short outing.”

“Got it!” From my point of view all questions about ethics had been resolved. The universe had provided firewood. When I hadn’t been sure of etiquette, the universe had sent a Park Ranger to kick my ass into action. Thanks universe!

The Park Ranger was looking at my tent. Oh shit, what had I done now?

“I’ve always wanted to have a tent with a little stove. Is it nice?”

“Yes, it’s great. I can’t say it’s as nice as a travel trailer,” I waved at the abandoned trailer in the adjacent site, “but it’s a lot cheaper and definitely up to the task of winter conditions.”

“It’s a cute tent. I like it.” She smiled, then drove off.

Well how about that? The bearded goofball in a fur hat reading a paperback in sub-freezing temps with his little burbling opera and well used coffee percolator had crossed all the way from nerd to cool. Who knew?

I immediately absconded with all the wood. It seemed like a lot; at least 3 or 4 bundles. I promised myself to leave as much as I could for the next person. I also dedicated 30 minutes to replenishing my “sticks” supply. The sticks had heated my tent well, but being small, I’d burned most of my pile.

After that I basked in the heat as I built up the fire. Over the day a monster 30′ RV pulled up and backed into a spot like a boss. Another ice shack showed up. The fancy van drove off (I’d never seen anyone outside the van, for all I know the van is a robot). One guy’s dog ran off and came by my camp looking for food. I pet him “Good dog!” but was too lazy to rummage up a snack. Eventually the dog left.

During the night a grouse started drumming. I found the open outhouse and after sunset did an “comparison test”. Which is better, a Luggable Loo in a heated tent or carrying an old style lit lantern (which gives off some heat) into a cement outhouse? Luggable loo for the win!

I finished my book and started another. My shortwave radio battery gave out. My tent was as warm and comfortable as always. I woke to a fine dusting of snow and packed slowly, almost reluctantly. I meant to leave some firewood behind but wound up using almost all of it. (Thanks again universe!)

All in all, it was just what the doctor ordered. If you’re like me and want to go camping but have trouble finding the time, do it. You probably need it.

A.C.

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