I was happy. You might think this meant the conditions were great. Nope! They sucked. Happiness comes less from perfect weather than a mental framework of peace; at least that’s my theory.
My gear helped. The new jacket kept me warm and dry in the intermittent misty rain. I was camping in a place with which I was unfamiliar. The new terrain wasn’t better than my usual haunts but the novelty appealed to me. The paperback I brought wasn’t great writing, and I ran out of beer. (I found a liquor store and bought a bottle of bourbon.) The point is, you don’t need much to go well provided nothing goes completely to shit. I had fun.
A contributing factor was the screen tent. It did a good job keeping the bugs at bay. This allowed me to chill out and relax rather than flail about trying to keep ahead of the mosquitoes.
In the middle of this peaceful revere, a snarky SpotX message from Mrs. Curmudgeon stirred the pot. “You riding the TWAT yet?”
Damn funny! It’s a dumb joke between us and it’s not what you’re thinking! Some background will explain all:
My dirt bike and I stick to the far edges of human civilization; meandering solo and returning to base camp at night. My bike might have a shotgun or fishing pole but my tent gets to its location through the power of Dodge. I can handle aggressive trails but spend most of my time sputtering down scarcely used, half maintained Forest Service roads. A Yamaha TW200 does this very well. Its Achilles heel is speed. It’s too slow for fast traffic. A dozen miles on country pavement is tolerable but Honey Badger never sets a wheel to interstate concrete. The one thing I haven’t done yet is plan many A to B trips.
The closest in mechanics to me are single track dirt bike guys. They don’t do A to B trips either. They do A, to the speed of terror, and back to A again. While I stop to smell the roses they they blast above, below, over, and through the roses. Their bikes are barely (or not) street legal but they’re fast. Unlike Honey Badger they carry close to no gear. Unlike me, they travel in packs. They consider nature an arena in which to play rather than the whole point. They’ll blast by a guy like me picking berries on a hillside faster than you can say “did you see the bearded geezer back there?”
There are other ways to play the game. Mrs. Curmudgeon’s joke related to trails for “adventure tourers”.
An adventure tourer carries all his shit on his motorcycle and camps at a new spot every night. To get to campsites and to see nature, they’ll go on mild off-road tracks and remote back country roads. Adventure touring motorcycles are uniquely (and cleverly!) suited for this. They handle off road conditions fairly well but they’re taller, heavier, and bigger so it’s a bitch if you dump one. (Smaller and squatter Honey Badger is easy to lift and doesn’t seem to give a shit when I drop it. True dirt bikes appear to shrug off being hurled directly at rocks.)
Adventure touring bikes have compromises to can handle highways and highway speeds. On pavement they’d smoke me and Honey Badger like a jet fighter passing a mule. They’d easily pass a true dirtbike on a paved switchback.
Adventure touring motorcycles look cool; I mean REAL cool! If a motorcycle looks like it might be handy to chase a giraffe across Tanzania… it’s an adventure tourer. A good example might be a BMW R1250 GS ($25,000). An adventure tourer will spend more on saddlebags than I spent on my entire motorcycle!
Unlike adventure tourers, cruisers and sportbikes are generally only happy on pavement. The cleaner and smoother the better. Tourers who forgo off road trips don’t need the “adventure” part of the equation either. A “touring motorcycle” is practically a two wheeled stretch limo; heavy, massive, and useless off-road but glorious on the interstate. Examples might be a Honda Goldwing ($25,000) or a Harley Davidson Road Glide Limited ($28,000)
Anyway, I don’t have an adventure tourer but like the idea of adventure tourer trails. Many people have mapped out routes for adventure tourers. Sometimes these are carefully curated GPS tracks. In the old days they were paper maps. People scout the GPS files or maps, make a few bucks selling the information, and invariably advertise with glorious YouTube movies. There are dozens of drone flight videos of small packs of adventure tourers on scenic adventure trails.
In America, about a dozen trails are called Backcountry Discovery Routes. They’ll have the state’s initials in the name and end with “BDR”. I had to cancel plans for the New Mexico Backcountry Discovery Route (NMBDR) when COVID came and society shit itself. Another system of trails are called the “Trans America Trail”. The “TAT” crosses 14+/- states as it goes (as you’d guess) from coast to coast. You can buy TAT maps for any of the 14 states.
Some smaller trails begin with the state and end with “Adventure Trail”. Not all of these are formal. Some are just online GPS downloads, threads from motorcyclist forums, blogs, and so forth.
One day I found out Wisconsin has an adventure trail. I was intrigued. Wisconsin is less likely to kick your ass than say… Nevada. The NVBDR; the Nevada Backcountry Discovery Route is a good way for a novice like me to wind up a set of bleached bones on the edge of the Mojave desert. The land of cheese curd might be a gentle beginning level adventure trail!
I mentioned to Mrs. Curmudgeon I was considering the TWAT; the Trans-Wisconsin Adventure Trail. She began laughing and making jokes about twat-riding. I deserved it. I’d pitched the ball right over home plate. I was fatally embarrassed. TWAT-jokes abounded around Curmudgeon compound for several weeks.
By the way, I’m pretty sure every jeep and motorcycle rider who’s heard of the Trans-Wisconsin Adventure Trail gets the joke and they love it. Someone has probably made T-shirts.
Mrs. Curmudgeon had a great many laughs at my expense over the TWAT. But it did give me an idea.
I was nowhere near Wisconsin but there are trails everywhere. The next day I drove my Dodge to a place with wifi. I hunted around cyberspace and I found a reasonably close trail.
After a some hassles I’d downloaded a GPS route, uploaded to my GPS, and was back at camp. Time to try an experiment!
My old GPS which is nothing but a GPS was now loaded with valuable coordinates. I mounted it on my handlebars (I have a mount meant for that purpose.)
I tested it out. A little arrow on the tiny screen kept trying to guide me toward the trail. At forks in the road I could tell where I should go. I could see how far I’d deviated from the route when I tried that too. It worked! I rode twenty miles along the trail and the route data / GPS worked just like it should. Proof of concept!
I sent Mrs. Curmudgeon a SpotX message. “Testing my GPS with a Standard Listed Unpaved Trail. The SLUT ride is doing well.”
I hoped she would get the joke. Otherwise I’m going to die. Just for the record, she started it!
A.C.
P.S. While I joke about TWATs and SLUTs I really did prove a concept. I have the parts of a true adventure… just waiting for assembly. Honey Badger seems rock solid mechanically. Strapping down a sleeping bag wouldn’t change its center of gravity much. I had no problem following the GPS trail I’d loaded up. The TWAT is supposedly 600 miles and only 50% pavement. It’s not hard core like a desert run. My bike is cheap and slow but it could do it. Will I trailer out east and give it a shot? I don’t know… maybe.