It’s go time!
Another installment of Attack of the Lesbian Activist Squirrels will go live in a few hours! It’s my Christmas present to the world.
If you’re new here you might not know it, but the squirrel stories are a donation supported on-line serialized novel. Western civilization has been taking a dump and we’ve been forced to watch it on the internet. This is my candle in the darkness. I’m trying to use satire to remind us that the internet can be used for humor. Regardless of media, it’s my belief that the humor can and should be a beacon of hope.
Look around, we’re living the punch line of a world gone mad. Join me. Take a few steps back to see the forest for the trees. You’ll find yourself laughing too.
For the newcomers I’ll say the following right now:
This is satire. If you take this shit seriously you’re an idiot. It you get triggered, the problem is you. If you’re an idiot and problem; stop it. Level up and be an adult.
Attack of the Lesbian Activist Squirrels is about 450 pages and the whole novel is yours to enjoy for free. It’s at the Lesbian Squirrels Main Page. It may look messy but that page has every part of the story in order. Take a break to laugh. You deserve it.
A quick reminder of the last chapter in case you forgot:
The last chapter in the story was Thunderdome. In that chapter, a MMA fighter named Janice (or Gerald depending on which way the drugs in its system were trending) came completely unglued and left the ring in mid-fight. Legitimate female athlete Mindy, who was otherwise sure to die, won by default; much to the chagrin of Winston Jones. Jones had lured the entirety of Dr. Simone Moonglow Lenin Rothschild’s Advanced Grievance Indoctrination class into unwise bets only to get shafted by fickle fate and a mean fiction author.
Janice (or Gerald) lost the match in his rage at Robert’s cell phone. From Janice’s (completely addled) point of view the phone was plotting against him. Robert, who’d been dating Billy’s ex-girlfriend, wound up pummeled, not by Janice but by law enforcement officers of every stripe. Robert’s Audi is now a smoking crater because the Tri-county Anti-drug Community Interdiction Special Programs Environmental Task Force Team Pilot Project let Boy Scouts get too close to Chigger’s old man’s competitive Gatlin gun.
Meanwhile, Gertrude and Edna, had taken advantage of Gerald’s absence. They’d unleashed significant criminal underworld connections and SMEEDA (a “SOLID MATTER EMULSION & EJECTION DISPOSAL APPARATUS”) on Gerald’s apartment. Their brutally efficient effort to flush anything remotely drug related resulted in a spotless apartment, minor work related injuries, and the loss of one of two cats. As a final topping on the cake, they left a fully primed female claymore mine on Gerald’s replacement couch. Gertrude’s hopes for a grandchild rest on the eager ministrations of a slutbuger who might woof Gerald back into sanity.
It is the death-flush of SMEEDA that drives this chapter’s mayhem. Please enjoy Chapter 8: Murdertrout!
Also, we have always been at war with Eastasia!
Some housekeeping: as a blog, each post will show in the order in which it’s released. The most recent post will be at the top and earlier posts appear beneath it; which is about the dumbest way to read a book since common core brought illiteracy back from the brink. For simplicity, I’ll link things in the proper order at the Lesbian Squirrels Main Page.
Donations via PayPal or Patreon are always appreciated. Anything you buy from an Amazon link on my blog results in a shaving of a percent back to me. I also accept silver, ammo, whiskey, old cars, compliments, and comments. I will not accept the Nobel prize in literature… not that they asked.
There are donation links at the upper right side of your screen. It’s a scientific fact (as much as any other scientific fact you’re likely to read on the internet) that donations make you more attractive to the opposite sex, lower your capital gains tax, and keep your cat from scratching the furniture. To paraphrase a modern narrative, if you don’t donate to me you’re against the science!
Finally, I’m a reasonable man. If you’re broke, I get it. Keep your money to pay the rent. Read for free and pay it forward when you can.
Merry Christmas.
A.C.