The bike was mine! It was strapped in the truck; ready to form a Dodge/Yamaha two-piece team for continental backcountry exploration.
The day was young. All that was left to do was leave the city and drive many hours back to our snowbound redoubt in the hinterland.
This is when I said words I’ll always remember. It was laden with the unintentional irony of people who’ve no idea what’s about to happen:
“There’s this thing going down in China. It’s probably nothing.” I paused. “What worries me is that the press constantly lies and everything China says is bullshit… so who knows?”
“Yeah?” Mrs. Curmudgeon had heard the news too. The situation in China was, at the time, an ignored undercurrent. At the moment the press was still cheerleading fears over a military conflict with Iran. Sick people in China was a distant ship on the horizon.
“Well, you never know.” I continued. “People are primed to go apeshit. It’s that social media thing again. Folks are super twitchy. Plus, it’s already flu season and they’re slobbering over each other like usual. If there’s a second flu right now, it’ll spread until things get warm in summer. But I was wrong about Ebola so…”
“I remember when you got H1N1… that sucked!” Mrs. Curmudgeon recalled.
I winced, remembering a flu that was just a flu but also traveled clear from nowhere to my body. It wasn’t life threatening but it was a week-long shit sandwich. The undeniable fact remains; humanity dragged that damn contagion over, though, and past any barriers; clear from Asian pigs to our house. “Well…” I paused at the foolish thing I was about to say. “Just in case, lets pick up a few extra groceries while we’re here.” I felt silly saying it. “But it’s almost certainly nothing…”
Mrs. Curmudgeon is no fool. “Relax. That’s a great idea. Food’s cheaper here anyway.”
We stopped at a city grocery store and were reminded how much extra we pay in the country. Everything was a good 10% cheaper! I basked in the selection and savings. If you’re not impressed with a modern grocery store, you’re not paying attention. We generally maintain a well-stocked larder; that’s just proper household planning. But we picked up a few bags of mostly cans and dry goods to fill in empty spots. We really enjoyed the cheaper prices.
I wasn’t particularly worried about whatever was coming out of China. I was more worried about people. They seemed so tightly wound. They appeared to be searching; searching for a reason to lose it. Any excuse to go zombie horde and they’d be off like a shot. Sooner or later everyone would mainline CNN and social media until they lost perspective and things would get out of hand. They might block highways and screw up the supply chains. Or they might trash half of Baltimore. Or it could hit everywhere all at once! With reason in short supply, who knows what would stop it? I doubted a flu would light the fuse but only a fool could deny the fuse was ready to be lit.
I couldn’t imagine the people would hold their shit together all the way to November. Maybe they needed to freak out. Maybe that’s part of human nature I don’t quite understand. There’s been times when I’ve needed to get good and drunk. Who knows if that scales up?
For those who paying attention to such things, was I wrong? Think back to February 2020. Am I wrong in this? Am I biased by future events? I know damn well I really did buy extra groceries. Faulty memory or not, it was the right call. Yet contagion in China wasn’t a big deal back then. Nobody else was buying canned goods. I just picked up the sense that a shitstorm was fixing to self-ignite.
What did it feel like before a Medieval pogrom? What’s a cult look like from the inside? Can you sense an oncoming riot? There’s always stupid out there but can one feel the stupid outgrowing its host? There are always a few freaks but in small quantities they’re part of the colorful magic of humanity. Someone dresses up like a vagina and screams in front of a TV camera, or a ghetto full of losers burns a Volkswagen in the streets, but sometimes things hit critical mass. Can you smell it on the wind?
Who, on the cusp of the French Revolution, glanced about and thought “everyone is about to do something nasty”? Did they quietly haul ass for Germany? Did they die, leaving their concerns unrecorded? Did they join the crowd and build the guillotine, knowing they might be next?
Lemming off a cliff. That’s what I was thinking, not “flu”. I was also thinking I had time. It would happen later in the year… when the warm weather made prancing about the streets more fun.
Regardless, it was a good time to restock the pantry. What else can you do?
I felt silly entertaining such ideas but I’ve learned to trust my instinct. And you can’t really go wrong picking up a can of beans while they’re on sale.
That was just 2 months ago. I knew something was up but didn’t know the form of the destroyer. You never expect the Spanish Inquisition… or the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
We did not buy extra toilet paper. That would’ve been ridiculous.