Adaptive Curmudgeon

An Unavoidable Rant

It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness. That’s basic wisdom y’all. So why am I seeing less candles than I ought?

Get out there and light your fucking candles!

There’s a situation afoot and I for one am glad to see it winding down. I’m delighted it didn’t become the horror that might have been. I’m disgusted to see folks missing that golden sunrise. They’re clinging to the fear of the horror that didn’t happen yet or didn’t happen fully or might still happen or might have happened less if some magic leader had the superpower of future-vision. Fuck that! Risk is life, life is risk, we’re all going to die, and there’s not a thing to regret in a situation that didn’t become as bad as it might have been.

We’re mortal men; we should smile at a dodged bullet. No point in wishing it had missed by a larger margin. No point worrying it’ll curve back and get us. Every single one of us will wake up one morning to find out we’re dead. If that particular fate didn’t happen to you this fucking morning then you’ve got a reason to be thankful. Are ya’ thankful? ‘Cause this spring looked bleak and then we didn’t all keel over in box lots. Excellent news!

Now it’s time to carry on like functioning adults. Adults are not widgets in a formula or dependents in a politician’s playpen.

Yes, some people died and that sucks. We also panicked and fucked our economy into the ground. We behaved like cargo cult savages praying to the Federal reserve. But hey, it’s over now. Shake it off and start rebuilding. We’re still here and it could’ve been a lot worse and that’s good enough.

The worst part is people bitching on Facebook that they’ve binge-watched the entirety of Netflix and they’re bored. Wahhh… I’m bored. We damn near ran face first into the zombie apocalypse and the worst part of it is running out of entertainment? What the hell is that all about!?!

Since we didn’t all die, reflect on how goddamn awesome things are. I’m thankful. I have gratitude. I had stores that needed sorting and freezers I’ve been meaning to empty so I can defrost them; what luck that this was a good time to deal with it.

I’ve gained weight. Apparently, so have others. I refuse to hear crap about personal sacrifice from anyone who has gained weight. Also, everything else is holding up in the onslaught. There is adequacy of the shit ticket supply. (That’s TP for you young-uns.) If you’ve got running water, a roof, and electric lights you’re better off than nearly any human that ever existed in any time. My greatest pleasure is that broadband is holding up nicely. It’s serving up all that endless Netflix entertainment people are tired of watching but also the information and books I enjoy. So what’s to complain? People have TV to watch, sofas to lie on, and power to drive the whole shebang… and they’re whining about it? Not me!

I’m dumbstruck with our amazing good fortune! We don’t have to watch the seas against Viking Marauders; I need not patrol by backyard against the Mongol Horde (or liquored up Canadian hockey fans). The word for that is peace! And the gas is cheap! Isn’t that great? Cheap gas and nobody trying to cleave your skull with an axe. What more can a populace of ungrateful bastards want?

How can I complain in a world where the creaky, overworked supply chain is still bringing me Oreos, whiskey, and broadband? Life in 2020 could be a lot worse.

I’m busy lighting my personal candle. Are you? I leave cursing the darkness is for those weepy bints on NPR. It ‘aint proper style for adults to carry on like that.

Here are my candles. First, I offered a week without mentioning WuHan Bat Plague. Next I spent all week powering up my homestead operation and personal death star. It’s hard work but honest work. I’ve got chicks and a few young turkeys and some piglets and they’re all thriving. This weekend, while everyone else is whining that they can’t go to the mall, I’ve got fencing to do. Why? Because the soil thawed and dried. I can get my tractor out there. Nature or God or whatever you call it, is leading the dance. I follow.

Notice my actions are not scheduled by some twit in a suit who may or may not promulgate another order about acceptable behavior. Who’s got time for that shit? I vote for representatives, not Gods. They’re merely people and often incompetent ones. I’ll run fence when the soil’s dry because that’s when it should be done. I’m not consulting an oracle, a politician, or a lawyer… I’m checking the ground. I’m not fretting over facemasks and toilet paper. I’m oiling the handle on my maul and counting fenceposts.

The candle lets you see the future.

I intend to knock this “to do” list down to manageable size before the lakes thaw. Because I’ve got a boat to sail and fish to catch and as soon as the fish are biting I’ll be there to fry one. Also, I’ve acquired an off road motorcycle with which to explore. I may scout new hunting terrain. Or maybe I’ll just drive in circles. Complaining doesn’t fit in my schedule.

Yep, a global pandemic sucks balls. But it didn’t smallpox our ass into the stone age and that’s all the good luck we need or deserve. It behooves us all to get off the couch and start either rebuilding or at least appreciating western civilization. (Hint: you don’t vote civilization into existence and it can’t be granted to you. You may be of civilization or you may not. A whole lot of folks are merely the pilot fish in the mighty shark’s wake.)

I don’t care what social media has trained into us, negativity is not cool. If you can, try to solve the problem… at least for yourself.

I’ll be back to more mellow thoughts when I’ve zombie proofed my bacon and egg supply for next winter. In the meantime, don’t let the useless whiners get you down; do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are.

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