I’ve been very busy this month. I only had a passing bit of time to monitor the press (and the society it supposedly represents). Withdrawal and return gives perspective. I’ve got a note for the press (including on-line):
The world can only end once a week… at most.
Talking heads have been idiots for years but now they’re so shrill it’s gone beyond laughable and becomes sad. Like watching a junkie shoot up and knowing where it leads. The smell of death is upon them. You root for them to pull back and recover. Don’t fall prey to the madness! But you know they’re doomed.
No living being can be as panicked as the press is trying to make America. I say this in all humility and with the best intention:
Tone it down motherfuckers.
Today is the 30th day of the year. So far, while I’ve been otherwise occupied, the world has ended seven times. At least that’s what the press says. The following has happened:
- Hezbollah and associated shitheads attacked the U.S. embassy in Baghdad. Trump let our military off the leash. The military fulfilled its purpose. This was reported as the worst thing that could ever happen.
I was confused. This clearly wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. I’ve seen disaster and it doesn’t look like this. Benghazi on 9/11/2012 and Tehran in 11/4/1979… that’s what disaster looks like.
January 2020 is what it looks like when the Commander in Chief makes the hard decisions required of a Commander in Chief. Captain Orange recognized the situation, handled it, and went back to work; almost like he thinks being president is a job. The press kept trying to resuscitate disaster from what I perceive as success.
- Then the military blew up Qasem Soleimani. This was reported as the worst thing that has ever happened.
Soleimani was an evil mastermind terrorist bastard. He left his home country to loiter in the vicinity of an attacked American embassy and I don’t think he was there to go shopping. Perhaps I’m going to hell for this but I’m glad he’s dead. The press tried to make a dead terrorist out as a bad thing. I wonder what the sky is like on their planet?
- Then there was a missile attack. It more or less missed everyone. This was reported as the worst thing ever AND the beginning of World War III.
They missed. How is that bad news?
- Then there was a jetliner shot down. This was reported as the worst thing ever AND proof of World War III.
Iran shot down an Iranian plane. Not that it’s good news but we didn’t do it. The press needs to get a dictionary. Iran vaporizing box lots of Iranians in Iran isn’t how World Wars work.
Fresh off the “unhappening” of World War III. There was a guns rights demonstration.
- The people assembled to petition for redress of grievances. This was reported as the long predicted uprising of the racist Nazi deplorable jerkwads that will ruin everything everywhere.
I recommended staying out of the crowd but maybe that’s just me. I’m biased against crowds. In the end, nothing bad happened. I was happy and the press was super sad. Without dead bodies they couldn’t foment mayhem. Peaceful people were peaceful, which is why they’re called peaceful. They even cleaned up their litter on the way out.
Following the “unhappened” World War III and the “not-happened” racists Nazi uprising, it was time for shampeachment.
- Nanci Pelosi, fresh off a month’s doing nothing, signed the impeachment articles using 35 pens. She had a few fist bumps over the somberness of the moment and marched the paperwork over to the Senate like anyone would have done a month ago in a real emergency. The press reported this as the historic defeat of Trump who never really got elected and is worse than Hitler.
Wrong. The Senate promptly set out explaining to Pelosi the difference between her power in the House (a lot) and the Senate (don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out). Everyone got busy bitching about the rules which is how Americans are. (Setting the rules for the game is really just the first part of playing the game.) This was followed by pointless displays for the camera.
Nobody paid attention because nobody (on either side) buys the premise that it’s a fair and necessary trial.
My take on this? Every president from now on will be subject to impeachment (both parties).
We have evolved into a system of three phase elections. Phase one is the election. The minute the election is over, that very night, the press decides if the people made the “right” decision. Did they elect a democrat? If those deplorable bastards voted for the “wrong” party, it’s time for phase two. Phase two is a series of recounts in hopes of the “correct” result; cue words like “determine voter intent” and “hanging chads”. If it’s mathematically impossible to come up with enough “discovered” ballots in the right districts, it’s time for phase three. Phase three is impeachment. Impeachment starts as soon as recounts are done.
I suspect impeachment (if not recounts) will be standard operating procedure for both parties. Each new president will either be successfully impeached or not successfully impeached. All elections now come with a built in “do-over”.
Also, if you vote “wrong”, you’re racist, sexist, stupid, a Nazi, and also a Russian spy… but you already knew that.
Having witnessed the “unhappening” of WWIII, the “nothappening” of the racist Nazi uprising, and the “nothing-burger” shampeachment… the press generated another reason to panic.
- There’s a new flu in China. So far it’s killed about 100 people… in China. The press reported this as the worst thing ever and proof of looming black plague type decimation of humanity.
Uh huh. As I type this, Coronavirus has killed zero people in America. Ebola’s 2014-2016 outbreak killed 11,000 people (one in America). Meanwhile, the not-reported-because-it’s-a-normal-thing regular old flu has killed 2,900 Americans this season.
I can do math. 0 < 1 < 2,900.
Someday the shit will hit the fan and you never know when that day will happen. It could conceivably happen now. Just as I could conceivably win the lottery. Also, it’s not good news that anyone dies of any illness. Barring new information, this is no more important than the WWIII that didn’t happen two weeks ago.
Wash your hands, avoid crowds, don’t eat bats, don’t hang out with corpses that died of communicable disease, and maybe (just temporarily) cut back on travel to China. No bat soup and staying away from certain Chinese cities; how hard is that? I was planning on doing that anyway… as I do every month. My sympathies to folks who booked a Chinese bat soup plane trip. Bummer for them.
Summary:
By my count, the press has reported the end of the world seven times in 30 days:
I hereby politely request that the press report the end of the world no more than once per week.
Doom-porn panic mongering has gotten out of hand. Someone take the Adderall away from the talking heads. Turn off their wifi. Lead them gently away from their smoking hot keyboards and convince them to take a nap. Crazy people need care, not a soapbox and a mission.
I knew 2020 would be stupid but this is beyond the pale. We’ve got ten more months before the possibility of a Trump re-election. If the press keeps up their January rate that’s 77 consecutive ends of the world before the (potential) Trumslide.
Nobody can panic 77 times a year and then shit purple Twinkies on election day. We’re too busy. We’ve got real lives. We’re going to need pauses between various ends of the world so we can be rested for November. The dwindling sane fraction of society (of both parties) may need a store of energy left to mop up all the (potentially) exploded heads on November 4th. It’s going to be hard to do that if we all die in 77 apocalypse events before some of the people are irredeemable, evil, twatwaffles, because they voted “wrong”.
A.C.
P.S. It occurs to me that there were also forest fires in Australia. The press rolled in a pile of dead koala bears and then explained it proves we’re all going to die of global warming. It, like all the other over-hyped shit, didn’t gain traction. Eight ends of the world in 30 days! Who listens to these fuckin’ psychos?