Christmas is that time when people buy useless shit and give it to their loved ones because… well nobody knows. Like bad sweaters, meteor strikes, and eggnog it’s just a thing that happens. Don’t fret though, I’m here to help. If you’re reading my blog you’re probably a bit of an odd duck who wants a gift that doesn’t suck. Or perhaps you want to buy gifts for another odd duck. My blog is a safe space for odd ducks. Welcome everyone!
First of all, this blog is mostly text so I’m going to assume y’all are avid readers. Books are a good place to start. Here are a few books that might appeal to either you or your loved ones. These suggestions aren’t for the mass market types who’d love to wade through another 500 pages of derivative bullshit. If you’re into sparkly vampires, 50 shades of freak, Harry Potter and the eleventh sequel, the Book of the Movie, or Chicken Soup for the Mundane… by all means don’t buy what I’m posting here; there’s plenty of shit out there for you. Have at it. The links below are more for the mind that goes off road:
1. The Curse of the High IQ, Aaron Clarey.
We live in odd times in an odd world. In 2019 it’s socially acceptable to wear a pink boa while walking your significant other on a leash down to the Whole Foods where you’ll meet with a hundred other yoyo’s who organized on Facebook to stage a protest against a Chicken Sandwich restaurant. People do things like this. What isn’t socially acceptable is to say “I am reasonably bright, that guy is dumber than a box of hammers, you are average, and my sister is wicked smart.” We in America in 2019 are forced to pretend that all humans are of equal intelligence. Which is just fucking silly.
There is nothing in this book that you don’t already know. There’s no magic secret to what a bell curve is. There’s no deep realization behind the analogy that basketball players are taller than average and brain surgeons tend to be smarter than janitors. What’s interesting is this a book that needed to be written.
Nobody tells a basketball player he’s an asshole because he’s tall. Anyone smart will have a dozen stories about getting shit because they’re smart. If you’re smart, and especially, if you’re in school or work in an office (where you will be getting shit because you’re smart until you die or leave) you need this book. It doesn’t necessarily harden your heart but it reminds you that things are as they are and it’s not your damn fault. We simply live in a time where minds are forced into “conformity” and if you’re a couple deviations out there you’re in for a bit of hassle. Nobody tells Danny Devito (5′ 0″) that if only he worked harder he’d be as tall as LeBron James (6′ 7″). Nobody, fires LeBron James because he’s a genetic freak who should be the same height as Danny. Nobody tells both of them the average height for males in America is 5’9″ and both of them should shape up and fix their height. Yet we, as a society, have gotten weird enough that variation in humans specifically in mental aptitude is simply not tolerated. That’s simply the nature of things.
This is a big fat hairy deal if you’re up there in IQ. You’ve been told to conform and you suck at it. Maybe you’ve gotten used to it. Maybe you haven’t. Odds are you might feel a bit of relief to read this. If you glance at the cover and instantly recognize the bell curve and instantly recognize the little red icon to the right and think “that poor bastard is fucked”… get this book.
Note: if you buy this book for yourself, keep it to yourself. Everyone around you knows you’re smart but they like to pretend they haven’t noticed. Don’t give them a reason to start bitching that LeBron James is an asshole because he’s tall. If you buy this for a loved one, hand it to them on the sly. You’re probably doing them a favor but it’s best done quietly.
Note: I have no idea if LeBron James is an asshole or a really nice guy. Name came up on a search and I went with it. Devito I remember as a hoot on Taxi. They’re chosen as an analogy and nothing more. For that matter the book discusses the issue of lacking interest in and knowledge of “sportsball” and how that’s just one of many issues.
Unlike the socially radioactive hot potato I started with, this is a lot simpler. Ask yourself “Do you think zombie movies are too forgiving on the main characters?” If so, this is the book for you:
It you’re post literate or just want to share the joy with others; you can watch the movie. It’s not a bad movie, it’s just that books are usually better.
3. Deep Survival, Laurence Gonzales.
If you’re a hard core, been there and done that, kinda’ person, this is just a series of well written anecdotes about people facing adversity. If you think you’re a hard core person but spend 20 minutes looking for a good parking space because walking to the grocery store is too far… this might be a bit of a surprise. It’s mostly about mindset and how that deeply matters. This isn’t zombie apocalypse porn (unlike “The Road” which is like Mad Max squared in terms of how shitty things get). It’s based on real life stories. I found it a light read that was a bit of fun but you’ll never see it on Oprah. (I warned you I was an odd duck.)
By now you might think all the books I read are about social ostracized nerds and/or near fatal suffering (real or fictional). Of course not! Mr. Mackinnon is about as hard core as a Muppet. His craft is as imposing as a skateboard.
Yet here he is, having the adventure of a lifetime. Well done sir! He comes off more like a dreamer / professor than a swashbuckler but he rows and sails his tiny craft from north Wales to the Black Sea. That’s 3,000 miles and 12 countries. You think your summer weekend at a State Park campsite was enjoying nature? Try crossing a continent in a fucking rowboat!
Mackinnon is the perfect teller of his sweet story and it’s all the better because it breaks with convention. He didn’t summit Everest or outfit a Jeep to mess with the Rocky Mountains. Instead, he went for it right in everyone’s backyard. Inspired!
If you ever wondered where Tom Sawyer went, now you know. The modern adventurer is a poetic dude in a rowboat from England… and he really did it.
Also, as required by law and convention, there were pirates.
One last warning. This book, above all others, is dangerous. You have it in your power to slap together a tiny boat and go have a grand time on waters the size of a ditch… but you don’t. You keep putting it off. You keep thinking “I can’t afford the gear” or “I’ll do it when I retire”. Mellow and cheerful Mackinnon might just convince you to do the deed instead of merely pining for it. I know one blogger who built a little sailboat and who never stopped smiling about it. You’ve been warned; this is the sort of sunny book that makes people do instead of sit. Enjoy it!