Adaptive Curmudgeon

Firewood Update: Market Solution: Part 1

The last few winters kicked my ass. This time I’m in it to win it. I’m not going into that dark night (again) without a goddamn fight.

I’ve been stacking wood every moment I get. The weather, however, has been uncooperative. Also, tragically, I’m only human. The latter is a hard limit. When I talk with people about firewood it’s a Rorschach test that tells me more about them than about firewood:

Me: “Been working pretty steady but I’m only up to 3 cords so far.”

Them: “Buck up little camper. I’m sure you’ll do it. You just need the right attitude.”

Translation: “I’m a nutless dipshit who’s never worked physically. I can’t do a goddamn thing on my own. My whole world view was formed during junior high group projects and it hasn’t changed. I am a pointless waste of oxygen that enjoys committee meetings. I think things are easy because they seem easy in my imagination. When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’ll be a dead by mid-afternoon and a shambling corpse pounding on your door by sunset.”

OR

Me: “Been working pretty steady but I’m only up to 3 cords so far.”

Them: “That sucks. Good luck doing as much as you can.”

Translation: “I’m a solid resident of reality. I’m not going to ask you to sign a petition, bitch about your choice of foods, or make fun of your truck. I’ve got my head straight and when the zombies come I’ll thin out the herd best I can. Now get the hell off my lawn.”

Anyway, I finally limped across the 3 cord threshold. It’s not enough for winter but getting there. That said, I’d like to ride into winter oversupplied… not “praying for global warming”.

I decided to throw money at it. Ugh, I shudder just thinking about it. What a revoltin’ development. I hate trying to do basic capitalism in America in 2019. It’s like my whole society forgot how to do anything. Honestly, if there was a way to buy a cord of firewood via Amazon and shipped from China… it might be worth it to avoid local yahoos.

But I set out to do the deed. Stay tuned…

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