I had a bad week. We’ve all been there. The trick is to keep it from spiraling.
One tool is the OODA loop. Fate had delivered a platter of shit sandwiches so it was time to observe, orient, decide, and act. I observed that the week sucked. I oriented myself to realize it wasn’t too bad and moping about was dumb. I decided it was a good time to succeed at something. Then I acted… ’cause sitting on your ass whining is for losers.
(In addition to OODA thinking I have a theory that success breeds success. Sometimes you need a check box in the “win” category. It’ll improve your outlook and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.)
There’s a large dead and hazardous tree looming over my lawn. I haven’t felled it because it’s not leaning over anything important and as soon as I drop it I’ll have several tons of shit on the lawn to handle. I’ve been kicking the can down the road for a few years. While I didn’t want to admit it, it was also big enough and tricky enough I was gun-shy about felling it.
I decided to nut up and get it done. I’d rack up some firewood too. (Firewood has been mostly stalled since June: 1, 2, 3.)
For various reasons, my chainsaw had mostly been idle a few years prior to this spring. (This is correlated with the fact that I spent the last two winters freezing my balls off.) This year I’ve been slowly stacking firewood but I’ve been coasting along using the “stored maintenance” in my saw’s toolbox.
I’m an uptight chainsaw guy. I maintain chainsaws like critical infrastructure; because they are. I operate mine like it wants to kill me; because it does. I keep it in good condition with an eye toward safety and efficiency. Any saw can gut you like a fish but a shitty saw is more dangerous. (Plus, it’s hard work cutting wood and doing it wrong wastes muclepower.)
That means I take the unusual step of filling my chainsaw’s toolbox with a supply of freshly sharpened chains. Not just a spare but a “fleet” of chains. they’re (ideally) sharp, stuffed in plastic bags or Tupperware, and ready to go. When the chain I’m using gets dull, I swap to a fresh one and toss the dull one in the bottom of the toolbox.
Most people have only one chain and touch it up while it’s on the bar. Everyone has a file for that purpose. (I do too.) Ha ha ha… what am I saying? Most people don’t touch up their chain; they grind away with a dull disaster until they’ve worn themselves silly. Then they take the mess to the sawshop for an expensive sharpening job. I never, ever pay someone to sharpen a chain. I “invested” in a electric sharpener that’s a knock off version of the pro model. I love it.
As I pondered the weekend’s challenge, I realized I’d mounted my last sharp chain. Also I’d used up my last spare spark plug. It wouldn’t do to crap out in mid-project.
In the spirit of good maintenance (and procrastination) I went shopping. I bought a new spark plug, a new fuel intake filter, and… what the hell… toss in two new chains and another felling wedge. I wanted to get a new backup gas can but good gas cans are still banned. Asshat regulation saved me $15 by making new stuff useless and my old gas can a treasure.
In my toolbox I had the receipt for my last purchases. In 2014 I bought a spark plug and fuel pickup/filter. This weekend I bought a couple spark plugs and another pickup/filter. The price was exactly the same. No shit! $2.79 or somesuch for a plug. Not a dime’s change. I bitch about “hidden inflation” but not this time! How cool is that?
This made me happy. Plus I got to toss some old shit. I keep every bit of a saw until I have a new replacement on stock. If you’re in the woods a plug that’s fouled might be “good enough”. With new stuff all stocked, I got to toss old plugs and so forth. I felt good about that too. I put the new receipt with the old receipt. I’ll revisit the cost of spark plugs in 2024.
In my shop I sorted through chains piled in the bottom of the toolbox. For non-saw people, a saw chain is a toothy affair that looks like Jaws and a bicycle chain had an unholy coupling. The metal gets consumed each time you sharpen so they do wear out. I’ll run a chain down to the last smidgen of usable cutting metal. So long as you’ve got all the teeth and they’re sharp, it’s good to go.
I found my sharpener carefully stored under a lot of dust and set it up. I was going to sharpen every chain. I’ve got maybe a dozen chains; some new that day (and therefore sharp) and others very worn out. It takes much more effort to sharpen a chain that’s very dull (like after you hit a rock) than to touch up one that’s only mildly worn from wood fiber. Lucky I’m very good to my chains, none should be too….
What. The. Hell! Some of the chains were scandalously dull.
A few years back I apparently lost my damn mind and used my chainsaw to excavate a trench! It’s out of character I’d done such a thing. What the hell was I thinking? I should go back in time and slap myself.
Grind, grind, grind, file, file, file. I got a few done and was soaking others in gasoline (usually that’s not necessary but I’d gummed up a few chains). I ran out of time. The shop smelled like gas so I put the bucket of chains/unleaded outdoors.
It rained, the next day I had a bucket of oily, gassy, watery, chainsaw soup. Yuck. I settled down to sharpen but the sun came out. Fuck it; time to quit frittering around.
For felling I installed my longer bar. I have two bars (a short one and a long one). I prefer to use bars of the absolute optimum length; not too long, not too short. Most folks have one bar and it’s the longest bar their powerhead can drive. By planning for the extreme, they wind up lugging extra weight 90% of the time when they don’t need it. (I drove a 1 ton dually to fetch a 12 ounce chain so I get how such things happens.)
It has been my way to run the bar that does the job and always have a spare bar nearby. If a bar gets pinched and stuck, I just pop off the powerhead and use the other bar to extract myself. It works a charm and it’s a surprisingly uncommon idea. Just a tip from the Curmudgeon, when you buy a chainsaw, get a spare bar.
I slapped on the “long” bar (honestly I needed longer but I’m not that well equipped). I’m out of practice but I used to be good at felling. I reminded myself that the world is filled with limping three fingered men who weren’t careful with saws and I paid attention. I cut a wedge just so. I did the back cut like it was surgery. When I stuffed my wedge in there (to keep the saw from getting pinched if the tree leans back) it was just insurance (like wearing a belt and suspenders). I was thinking “I could cut more hingewood to drop this tree but I think I’ll just tap this wedge instead”. I figured it was just right and I’d called it. I reached for my hatchet but the tree started to go. You could see the wedge loosen a millimeter at a time. It went down slow… which was my intent. I didn’t want to whallop my poor long suffering lawn any more than necessary. It was right on target. Win! It feels good to get things right.
Immediately I swapped to the short bar and starting bucking limbs. Small limbs first, main trunk last. I noticed my small bar was a bit worn out. I thought “I ought to get a spare”. Later I realized I was running the spare. I have a worn but usable short bar and a much newer one. While shuffling the toolbox I’d gotten mixed up. I’d forgotten about owning a third bar. (What comes after belt and suspenders?)
I didn’t cure cancer or change the world. But I made progress and changed my outlook. It was an OK weekend.
A.C.
P.S. My Chinese knock off chain sharpener is the exact same as a $250 Stihl sharpener. Also it has eleventy angle settings. I have settled on a set that suit me but I’d love a poster or pamphlet with all the appropriate angles for Stihl oil-omatic chains and other brands. I might sharpen other people’s chains for a few bucks a pop but don’t know the angles. Anyone ever seen anything like that?