[This post may not be up to my normal standards but what the hell, who has standards these days? I dashed it out in one draft as a moment of non-politics.]
When I was a teenager I had a very good birthday. Kids like birthdays but this was an exceptionally good one. Nothing earth shattering, I didn’t win the lottery or anything. It just was a happy day surrounded by people I love, who were all happy too. I don’t remember if I had cake but I still remember the people. When you have a good day it’s important to remember it.
People were the point of that day. But time passes and I cling to a physical reminder. A present from my folks. A clock. I’d asked for a radio alarm clock. (Is that what they’re called? You know what I’m talking about.) Also one random day long before my birthday I’d offhandedly mentioned “what would be best is a radio alarm clock that starts out quiet and then gets loud gradually”.
That seems simple now. At the time they didn’t exist. It was just an idea I had. I might as well have said it would be cool if my bicycle floated on unicorn farts or asked for high school to be cancelled for the month.
Radio alarm clocks at the time were primitive. Some were still clocks with bells on them. Most had those flappy fake digital readouts I despise. Digital displays existed but were “high end”. A “snooze button” was a “feature” on only some of alarm clocks. (Millennials who’ve never seen a universe without a smart phone’s “alarm” app might need to visit a museum to investigate.)
Yet, inexplicably, my mother found this thing that didn’t exist and gave it to me for my birthday. A radio alarm clock with the never before seen “grad-u-wake” technology. Woah!
It was shiny and glossy and probably cost a bit more than my folks would’ve wanted to pay. But it was exactly what I wanted so they went for it. Also the reason I wanted it was to get to school and work on time and who can fault a kid for that? To me, the radio looked very adult. It reeked of responsibility, paid shift work, and the combined freedom/obligation that comes after youth.
I loved it and it was very useful. I’ve carried that damn thing wherever I’ve gone. Dozens of addresses. Different towns, different states. If I lived in a situation with electricity (which isn’t always a given) I had that alarm.
Eventually it aged. Mrs. Curmudgeon and I replaced it with newer better radio alarm clocks. Several in fact. (I also had to replace my beloved duck telephone. I still miss it too. I get attached to the weirdest things.)
I keep the old radio. It moved around for a few years until it found a home in my office.
A few times the bulb has burned out. Each time I’ve replaced the bulb. Otherwise it keeps on chugging. It’s over three decades old. Can you stay that of many appliances in your house.
Unfortunately, the thing is plum wore out. The radio is an analog dial that doesn’t get great reception and sometimes the volume knob goes wonky. Then over the last few months the clock started flaking out. Gradually at first and now completely, it has become a clock that can’t keep time.
I didn’t know it was possible to have a digital clock that couldn’t keep time. How could that even work? I’m not talking a minor systematic discrepancy either. It really can’t keep time. It loses anywhere from one to three hours every 24 hours. Not on a set pattern either. I think sometimes it gains time. WTF? Nor is this a reset issue. When the clock loses power it defaults to “blinking 12:00” and doesn’t increment. That would be a lot easier to understand.
I’m mystified and amused that it failed in a way I didn’t know a device of that type could fail. You go plucky clock!
So now have, for the second time, it’s something that I never though could exist: it’s a clock that’s not even right twice a day.
Impressive? I’m not sure. But it is unique.
Eventually I’ll toss the poor thing. Like the Mars Pathfinder, its done more than anyone could ask of it. Time for an appliance funeral.
Yet, so far I haven’t brought myself to do it. My clock radio alarm that’s now a shitty radio, mysteriously unreliable clock, and unnecessary (in my office) alarm is like an old friend. If I had time to kill I’d jam a Raspberry Pi in there and make it into something new. But I’m busy and it’ll never happen.
I wonder how long I’ll cling to this old piece of junk. If the clock knows, it’s not telling.