Gorillas, Ben Gunn, And Nancy Pelosi

I can’t say Mingo’s description in the earlier post is incorrect. First of all I’m a menace to all around me when I haven’t had my morning coffee and second it happened before I’d had my coffee (thus I have no recollection of anything). I only differ in his opinion of Ben Gunn.

Ben Gunn, as you all know, is a fictional character in Treasure Island. Ben Gunn was a hapless castaway that was completely off his rocker but not particularly menacing; a literary indication of what three years stuck on a deserted island will do to a man. Something like a smelly freak of a homeless man for whom you feel sympathy but you’re not going to let him ride in your car. At least he was pretty tame compared to the overall story arc of Treasure Island which was right and properly bloody.

(Note & Literary Recommendation: I’d like to recommend Treasure Island as totally awesome. It’s an ideal book for a young boy. Its violent and terrifying and the pirates are badass dangerous bastards. Perfect! I read it to my son as a bedtime story when he was a wee lad and he loved it. So did I. I mean this with all sincerity; expose young kids to real literature before schools get their hooks in them and beat their brains to mush. Schools tend to shove bullshit diversity propaganda or Disneyfied Peter Pan up their student’s ass until young men quit reading and stare at fidget spinners. Don’t let it happen that way! Read to your child. If he’s a boy I suggest a story that has killing and stabbing and gunshot wounds and and lying, cheating, stealing, thuggish pirates. You’re doing the world a favor. That’s an official recommendation from the Curmudgeon. You’re welcome. Also, I never read The Adventures of Ben Gunn because it’s not by Robert Louis Stevenson and sequels not by the original author are bullshit. I’m lookin’ at you Brian Herbert. Your dad wrote Dune, which was awesome, but you’ve been riding daddy’s coattails for 30 years? What’s the matter? Can’t get a regular job?)

I felt Mingo was doing a disservice to the addled Ben Gunn in comparing him to the glowering rage that is an uncaffeinated early morning Adaptive Curmudgeon. We both agreed something simian might more properly capture the moment.

Hoping to come up with a visual aid I found this:

Then I searched for Ben Gunn. I remembered the old movie and AAAAAAUUUGHHHH MY EYES!!!!!

My search engine (Duck Duck Go) somehow decided that Ben Gunn is not a hapless lonely castaway in a B-grade pirate movie but rather a huge nude black dude who’s hung like a horse and rather proud of it. I was not prepared for that!

I told Mingo of my discovery and he laughed heartily at my expense. I decided to share it with you. My blog isn’t intentionally SFW but I do have a sense of decorum (after I’ve had my coffee) so I called upon the talents of 24 Nancy Pelosis to help me filter the search results. Enjoy: