First of all, real men start counting at zero. Because computers.
Second, math people are not limited to integers. Thus, you’re reading part 1/2 of a story.
Third, dictation software is not as awesome as it seems.*
More about that third thing: I’ve been inhumanly busy lately. In an attempt to streamline blogging, I dictated a very short story while driving. Fail! Our modern world can livestream Facebook onto a teenager’s smartphone but can’t take dictation worth shit! I have a handheld audio recorder that is a wonder. Excellent fidelity, easy to use, great microphone, etc… My truck, despite having the usual Dodge-ish propensity to steer like a pregnant yak, is pretty quiet. Cruising down the road, the microphone recorded every word crystal clear and with minimal background noise. I also have Dragon Dictate, which is among the better dictation options. I even “trained” it to my voice and vocabulary. Yet, when I fed the audio through Dragon Translation I got this:
These masters will recycle saddlebags is to work you a is is a lot of acorns to fill motors saddlebags is a ridiculously large amount of time him acorns you recycle and dropping them in the saddlebags and was, I wish that I had all the acorns of one a couple days later I returned from my trip is in a box set in the kitchen catches his is usually email territory and it is true is curmudgeon insulin
Three pages of that shit! I dictated the story and even I have no idea what I was talking about. It’s like David Lynch did that talking backwards thing to Eliza Doolittle while she spews a Cockney accent and has a mouthful of marbles. There will be a small delay in the story while I take my laptop behind the woodshed and beat it senseless.
A.C.
P.S. Also, I accidentally electrocuted myself while rewiring electrical outlets. I hate it when that happens. While this has nothing to do with acorns and can’t possibly be the fault of either Dragon Dictate or Dodge, I’m blaming them anyway.
* If you’re about to work yourself into a froth about how awesome Dragon happens to be, tell me what I’m missing. I’ve given it a proper unbiased test. If I use a top notch microphone at perfect tune in a quiet office and dictate very slowly and enunciate like I’m talking to a drunk, stupid, toddler, it’s only modestly useful. It’s probably awesome for repetitious tasks like medical records or if you’re injured but it just isn’t as great as I’d like.