They scraped my punch-drunk body off the floor and propped me against a post.
“You OK?” Someone tentatively asked. Everyone was cringing and hiding in corners. The mechanic, who’d been beaming over his superb work, was nowhere to be found.
A devil appeared on one shoulder. An angel on the other. A silent internal debate ensued.
“Kill them. Kill them all!” Grinned the devil.
“Really? Is that all you got?” I asked impatiently. What’s the point of having a dark side if he’s a moron?
“OK, fine. How about a tantrum? Scream and shout. Tell ‘em how you earned this money and you’re not gonna’ let them fuck you over like this. Tell them you coulda’ bought new and pushed this old piece of shit in a lake for damn near the same price. Seriously, you’ve earned it!” The devil was worked up. He knows I’m a cheap bastard and none too shy about it. He knows I hate blowing money on this kind of equipment.
I turned to the angel, “And your rebuttal.”
The angel was totally laid back. No uptight seething for this dude. He was wearing sunglasses. Looked like he’d just popped over from his metaphysical beach on some eternal Tahiti. He yawned. As if saving my soul was boring.
“Don’t be a pussy.” Said the angel. And poof… he was gone.
The devil and I looked at each other. “I’d sorta’ expected a more cogent argument.” Mused the devil. I nodded.
“So, you’ve been screwed by this insane bill… how shall we overreact and make a jackass out of ourselves?” He warmed to the well-used sales pitch. I’m a cheapskate and was gripping a huge bill that had caught me by surprise. He’d win this round.
I tuned out and looked at the bill. Holy shit there were a lot of parts replaced. And hours of labor. The fabrication, which is a luxury but one I savor, was only a third of the bill. The rest was parts and repair. Spindles, belts, new blades… Yeah, I needed new blades. I hadn’t asked for ‘em but I’m sure they were shot. He’d just known it was time for a replacement and taken the lead.
“…then after you bitch them out and make a big ugly scene you can stomp around and talk about a payment plan!” The devil concluded.
Only a pussy would act like that, I concluded.
I approached the desk and whipped out my checkbook.
“You fellas did a fine job. Thank you.”
Everyone let out a breath and smiled. I cut a check and handed over an amount that not too many years ago would have left me sleeping in my car. My newly repaired stuff really was nice. It was exactly what I needed. It took two trips to get it home.
Then I drank a beer. It started raining. The testing phase would have to wait.