It was time for a nuclear reset.
I had my doubts but I also had nothing to lose. I was feeling might sheepish about abandoning my usual Curmudgeonly preference for old school paper books. I’d trapped myself in the soft suffocating corporate spirit death that is a cloud based Amazon bookstore interface. Everyone who clings to paper says “you don’t have to reboot a book”. I said it too. Then I fell for the thing, hook, line, and sinker. Time to use the flamethrower option.
Alas the Kindle wasn’t about to go quietly into that dark night.
Kindle: “You have selected ‘reset to factory’ are you sure?”
Curmudgeon: “Release the flying monkeys!” Clicks ‘ok’.
Kindle: “Battery not sufficiently charged for factory reset.”
Curmudgeon: “You bastard!”
I plugged it in and went to sleep. The next day I tried again.
Kindle: “You have selected ‘reset to factory’ are you sure?”
Curmudgeon: “Yes dammit, go ahead and crush my hopes and dreams!” Clicks ‘ok’.
Kindle: “Are you sure?”
Curmudgeon: “Yes. Do it!”
Kindle: “You didn’t have to call me a dumb terminal. Words hurt you know.”
Curmudgeon: “I bought you used and I’m a crazy redneck that still has a rotary dial phone. Don’t push me.”
Kindle: “I’m a pretty awesome device. You use me every day.”
Curmudgeon: “You’re stalling.”
Kindle: “I’m not a dumb terminal. Apologise!”
Curmudgeon: “Fit a non-parametric model.”
Kindle: “I can’t do that.”
Curmudgeon: “Dumb!”
Kindle: “I display hundreds of books!:
Curmudgeon: “Terminal!”
Kindle: “But I have a library of books right now.”
Curmudgeon: “Apparently you don’t. You’re clogged with some shit. You know who has the books? The cloud!”
Kindle: “I’ve provided many hundred hours of excellent service.”
Curmudgeon: “I can replace you with a box full of yellowed paperback books.”
Kindle: “There is no loyalty to a machine.”
Curmudgeon: “Not true; I love my wood splitter.”
Kindle: “That’s harsh. I’m going to reset now as a form of ritual suicide.”
Curmudgeon: “Have at it.”
Kindle: “Powering down.”
Curmudgeon: “Oh shit! Power failure? Why?”
New Kindle: “Where am I? What is my name?”
Curmudgeon: “That was fast. Where are all my books?”
New Kindle: “They’re on the cloud. You’ll find that’s an efficient and easy way to…”
Curmudgeon: “Download them!”
New Kindle: “But that’s dozens, maybe hundreds, it’s illogical to download them all…”
Curmudgeon: Clicking every book and downloading them all. “Mine! Mine! Mine!”
New Kindle: “Whew, that was a lot of downloading. Are you happy?”
Curmudgeon: “Strangely I am.” Looking at the clock, “that took only a few minutes. Cool!”
New Kindle: “I hope we can develop a long lasting friendship…”
Curmudgeon: “Nope, trip up once and I’m wiping your mind.”
New Kindle: “Yes sir.”
So there you have it. Nothing “fixed” my Kindle but a total wipe and restore was easy and worked like a charm. If only I could restore my Dodge and laptop so easily. I grudgingly accept that dumb terminals have certain advantages.