This post was inspired by Justin Bieber. I know darned near nothing about him. I’m OK with that. Here’s my word for the day:
Negative Knowledge (Noun) – Information so trivial that it passes the event horizon of information and actually makes a person dumber for having learned it.
- I do not know what “twerking” is. I think it’s associated with someone formerly called Hanna Montana and now known as Miley Cyrus? A 3 second Internet search indicates a young lady(?) who apparently divides her time between looking like a teenage boy and acting like fembot who drank too much Red Bull. I don’t care to know more.
- I do not recall the capital of Delaware.
- I do not want to know which Pokemon are water type and which are fire type.
- I do not care what movie is selling the most at the box office. It’s not important. It is never important. Citizen Kayne would be a masterpiece even if it drove Orson Welles bankrupt.
- I don’t care in Orson Welles went bankrupt so don’t tell me about it.
- I do not want to know if someone is offended by a sports team mascot. It is not newsworthy when I am offended by something.
- If a website can only be viewed with Internet Explorer, I don’t need to know what’s on it.
- I do not care that hotels at the Olympics are funky. It’s Russia! Three quarters of a century as a socialist paradise followed by Putin’s iron fist led to the crap you see. If you want clean roomy hotels stay in Cincinnati.
- If you’re from Cincinnati and don’t like my analogy, I don’t want to know that either.
- I don’t want to know how much Bill Gates and Warren Buffet make compared to their secretaries. I don’t want to know how much a quarterback makes compared to a teacher. I don’t want to hear any salary comparison scaled by the best in the planet at some skill.
- If a professional race baiter calls someone racist, this is information of no value.
- I’m perfectly capable of understanding a hurricane without making some doofus stand in the rain with a microphone.
- Do not ever tell me about an athlete who “gives 110%”; I don’t give a shit.
- If the Vatican elects (?) a new Pope, I don’t want to hear a liberal Manhattan atheist journalist’s opinion of what the Pope should do. The Pope doesn’t get his marching orders from that chain of command.
- I don’t want to know who took a selfie. I don’t care if it pissed off Michelle Obama.
- I don’t know how to tweet. The word Twitter doesn’t fill me with curiosity.
Negative knowledge I have adopted into my psyche and will now will ruin yours:
- Captain and Tennille are getting divorced. They sang Muskrat Love! (Yes, the 1970’s sucked. Why do you ask?)
- I know all the words to the Gilligan’s Island theme. You do to. Don’t lie to me. You’re hearing it in your head right now. Bwa ha ha ha ha.