I refrain from recommending movies. Partly because most movies are shit. Partly because my taste in cinema, so I’ve been told, is… appalling.
I have a friend for whom I have recommended three movies; Brazil, The Road, and Idiocracy. He swears my advice left him baffled, depressed, and stupid. He implores me to refrain from suggesting any movie to anyone ever again. I promised to add his caution. His exact words were “don’t do it.” You’ve been warned.
That said I’d like to recommend a “Christmas Horror” movie. It’s a Finnish “independent” movie called Rare Exports. It’s free on Netflix.
Good points (no spoilers ensue):
- It is a horror movie in the classic “scary thing lurking around the corner” style. I think the tension is ramped up just right. If “horror” to you means “exploding spleens bouncing off the lens” you’ll be disappointed.
- There is nudity and it’s not the good kind. If the nudity in this movie turns you on, burn your computer and lock yourself in the basement.
- It is foreign. Which is awesome. Because it’s Finnish and the Finnish are bitchin’ cool.
- There isn’t a single expensive Hollywood actor. Because of this the acting is pretty good.
- This movie was not excreted by Hollywood’s cubicle bound masses of bean counters and focus groups. Thus love interests and lefty propaganda weren’t shoehorned where they don’t belong.
- Absolutely no superheroes are involved. Thank God.
- Everyone in the movie is armed all the time, including the children!
Some caveats:
- It’s a horror movie. If you want Shakespeare why are you reading my blog?
- It’s not deep. Did I mention it’s a horror movie about Christmas? Seriously, you’re reading my blog, how much depth do you expect?
- If you can’t abide rednecks (even Finnish ones) don’t watch. If you’re an anti-gun, anti-hunting, urbane militant vegan this movie will vaporize your skull. Then again why are you reading my blog?
- If you hate subtitles you’d better be able to speak Finnish.
- I think it’s a tame R. In my book it’s ok for a teenager; provided you’re not offended by nudity involving people who look like they’re homeless. That’s your call and if your teenager becomes a serial killer or mime after watching it, it’s not my fault.
- Some of the special effects aren’t great. They’re not key to the plot and it doesn’t detract from the movie. (Hint to Hollywood; special effects are not the substance of a damn movie!)
- It’s campy and ridiculous. Did I mention it’s a horror movie about Christmas?
Here’s a trailer.
As my friend said, you were warned.