You may recall that I had a potential “bad bread event“. I hadn’t posted the results (which we’re still in play at the time). In the interest of full disclosure I offer my update:
Behold! I have made wheat into Portland cement!
At the time, it appeared that the bread machine had completed it’s cycle. Clearly I was wrong. The bread didn’t properly rise. (Note: it tasted surprisingly good for a brick. In the event of a zombie apocalypse I’d be happily munching on it without complaint. Life is all about compromise.)
Nor was I upset it didn’t work. One does not scale the peaks of culinary manufacture (I do not “cook” I “manufacture”) without a few failures and the theory I’d been working on was “fuck it… let’s see what happens” (a direct quote).
My real concern was the machine which is cheaper than a wood splitter but no less loved. It seemed none the worse for wear. Huzzah! I cleaned the bread machine and tossed the brick to the chickens. (Here’s a note: chickens will devour a two pound loaf of rock in less time than you think. Those little bastards are land piranhas!)
Unlike politicians, I can learn. If attempt one went down in flames that means nothing! Nothing I say! Attempt two shall be better, faster, stronger.
I have decided to try a bread race. I’m going to bake another loaf using the mix I’ve bought but resort to hands on work and the oven (which is tragically unautomated). This will be in direct competition with a loaf based on cheap store bought flour in my trusty bread machine.
Remember, this is not about making the best bread, it’s about controlling labor inputs while producing something that’s “good enough”. Also competition makes us stronger. (Cue the theme from Rocky!)
Stay tuned.