This morning my (land line) phone rang. That’s one of the reasons I hate phones. I didn’t recognize the generic corporate caller ID but I answered. (I was expecting an important business call about something I’ll neither confirm nor deny but definitely did NOT involve any broken down heavy equipment I saw on Craigslist.) Nobody was on the line so I hung up in ten seconds. I cursed my stupidity in answering. I assumed that my number had now been recorded by iNinjas who would send me marketing materials about Steve Job’s toenail clippings encased in Lucite as a Christmas gift.
A couple hours later it happened again. It had a different (and still vague) caller id. Nobody there so I hung up in 8 seconds. I assumed my number was now in the hands of the Vladimir Putin.
A couple hours later it happened again. It showed a third (and still vague) caller id. Nobody was there so I hung up in 6 seconds. I assumed my number was now in the hands of either PETA or a Nigerian banker.
Just now it rang with a caller id that indicated an actual human being, but with a name I didn’t recognize. The caller identified himself as conducting an opinion poll. I hung up in 2 seconds. Then I buried the phone, salted the earth where I’d put it, pissed on the spot, and covered it in cement. I’ve disconnected my (already unlisted) land line and changed my name. I am moving to a different state. You can’t be too careful.
Of course it was a phone poll. This is their quadrennial mating season. Yuck.
I’m as amused by Gallup type polls as any other betting man and politically aware person. However, they’re a mess. No poll conducted by any phone will ever truly measure my opinions. Nor will they measure the opinion of anyone who has a pulse and knows how to hang up a phone. Who actually answers unsolicited land line poll questions? Are they insane? Are they needy? Are they the same people that like jury duty? Do they have lots of spare time and talk to their cats? Is it a last grasp at human contact before the sinking feeling that you’re alone in a room full of empty pizza boxes and failure sinks into your soul and playing Warcraft loses it’s joy?
Phone polls are goofy in the cell phone era. They were inaccurate a decade ago. They’re tea leaves now.