Toyota

This summer I was appalled when grandstanding Congressional fucknuts put Toyota through the wringer. I’ve had my reservations all along. A couple of yoyos get weird in Toyotas and suddenly they’re deathtraps with evil throttle control sensors out to thin the herd. From within the beltway it’s possible to believe every car wreck requires Congressional assignment of blame but outside the beltway I know darned well that people are good at smashing cars and I’ve almost never seen someone claim that they wrecked because they’re a crappy driver.

Why would Congress jump on the “bash Toyota” bandwagon? Could they have been trying to nudge Government Motors into the black by hosing honest Toyota? Curmudgeon Rating: 2 Tinfoil Hats out of 10. (Meaning I find it entirely plausible but there’s no smoking gun.)

It was all well and good for our elected clowns to prance about Washington but eventually they demanded (and received) the presence of Toyota executives Yoshimi Inaba and Akio Toyoda. That’s when they were well off the rails. Acting like toddlers with too much power should be reserved for domestic affairs…screwing with honest businessmen in the rest of the world is poor form. I hoped that future analysis would determine it really was a mechanical issue just so I wouldn’t feel like the Government that claims to represent me had been so galactically uncool.

Congress showed the worst of our culture and I was embarrassed about it. To their credit Mr. Toyoda and Co ate shit like champs. They accepted our Congressional inquiry with the best smile they could fake; a lot like striding past something disgusting at the monkey exhibit at the zoo and withholding comment. That really was classy.

The results finally came in and the press dutifully buried it. Toyota has been cleared of any wrongdoing. It’s time for morons in the US to learn from the example set by Mr. Toyoda. I want an abject apology from every Congressman who took part in that dog and pony show. Delivered while crawling on their hands and knees.

Of course, there’s a more Karmic solution. Akido Toyoda came here and dutifully put up with our culture of ignorant feces flinging chimps. Congress should return the favor by traveling to Japan and doing what that Japanese culture requires for the astoundingly incompetent; ritual suicide. I’ll immediately vote for any Congressman who does so!