Category Archives: Chapter 5 – Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment

Back at the convenience store Billy and Doogie high-fived. They had just witnessed history’s first interspecies turbo wedgie. It was amazing! Bart spit out the stretched remains of a pair of Joe Boxer underwear and grinned. His experiment with human-based … Continue reading →

The Analyst briefed the Extreme Greeters while their chopper rocketed toward the scene. Listening thought their helmet mounted headsets, each greeter did their level best to listen; but it was no use. “So the scan of more K-cup sales than … Continue reading →

Twitch clutched Billy’s box of K-cups like a drowning man might grasp a life preserver. His eyes were wide and he was stringing together irrelevant movie quotes. Billy was maneuvering slowly and confidently; a prizefighter preparing for a one punch … Continue reading →

Billy and Doogie had just started mopping the floor when ECTO1 nearly plowed into the store. Achmed blinked in confusion. Doogie looked pensive. Billy beamed. Nothing says America like a private freelance ghost extermination team. “Who ya’ gonna’ call?” Billy … Continue reading →

Twitch’s arrival, like all of Twitch’s arrivals, was a whirlwind of chaos presaging the greater tragedy to come. If Twitch had been a skilled driver, his screeching, sliding, sirens-wailing near crash would be a manly ode to Dukes of Hazard … Continue reading →

Twitch MacGuffin made bad choices. The evidence of this was… everything. Twitch had, of his own volition, chosen comic book colorist as his career. He’d inexplicably expected this to lead to money, respect, and women; in that order. So certain … Continue reading →

For years, Billy had chafed under the blatant misdirection of Federal Reserve Notes. “Here’s some green paper. Before you were born it was backed by gold but now there’s no gold in the vault and inflation chews your ass while … Continue reading →

The music returned. Doogie pleasurably nodded his head with the sweet melody. In the nearby convenience store Billy glanced over, saw Doogie smiling, and went back to whatever he was doing. What was left of Doogie’s intellect knew the squirrel’s … Continue reading →

The entire staff of the new tri-county, anti-drug, community interdiction, special programs, environmental task force team, pilot project were pensive. All two of them. Their “stakeout” wasn’t helping. After various home appliances and a cat had flown from the window … Continue reading →

“Bullshit”, Doogie thought, “is there no power that can stop it?” Doogie was engaged in the biggest intellectual duel he’d ever known. Bullshit is all powerful. He had to accept the truth. He’d already lost. Mind manipulation works even when … Continue reading →