Category Archives: Tractor Of The Damned

Tractor Of The Damned: Part IX (A New Dawn After Dipstick’s Mistake)

It is possible that I had this coming. It is possible that we all live many lives. It is possible that in my last life I was really really bad. Possibly a cackling maniac who carjacked nuns, stole candy from babies, and invested stranger’s money in Enron stock. This could be the reason why every machinist, mechanic, or Dipstick who’d gone near the tractor had done worse than wrong but practically sabotaged it. Continue reading

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Tractor Of The Damned: Part VIII (Dipstick Is Saved By Chickadees)

I set down the vice grip and we rolled the tractor out of the garage. Outside the sun was shining and my beloved chickadees were calling. The smoke was already dissipating. God wants us to forgive. I like chickadees. Continue reading

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Tractor Of The Damned: Part VII (Dipstick’s Diagnosis)

So long as a beer was in one hand and a cigarette in the other, Dipstick seemed confident.  For about an hour he orbited the tractor while I offered wrenches or turned the hand crank.  (It has a “backup” hand … Continue reading

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Tractor Of The Damned: Part VI (Meet Mr. Dipstick)

After a few calls I’d arranged for the fellow to come look at my tractor. I’ve since forgotten his name. Probably because of the trauma. For now I’ll call him Dipstick. Continue reading

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Tractor Of The Damned: Part V (With A Labor Rant)

After my fiasco trying to pull start an inert lump of metal cleverly disguised as a tractor I came to several important conclusions. #1:  I just wasn’t smart enough to figure out what was hosed and un-hose it. Someone else, … Continue reading

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Tractor Of The Damned: Part IV

If something isn’t working. And you’re pissed off. And you’re the kind of fellow that has a big chain and a truck… You might be thinking that the chain and truck will solve your problems. This is an excellent time to sip a nice cup of tea and then go to bed. Continue reading

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The Tractor Of The Damned: Part III

So I said “fuck it”. Time to “go redneck”. Starters are for pussies. I decided to use a truck to pull the son of a bitch until it coughed to life or I got my frustrations out. Continue reading

Posted in Garagineering, Homesteading, Technology of Indignity, Tractor Of The Damned | 7 Comments

Christmas And The Tractor Of The Damned: Part II

Well, with my last post, I’ve let the cat out of the bag. The tractor did have an end game. (Or at least an interruption in the onslaught of suck.) By what should have been a simple fix turned into a saga of misery, failure, false hope, and mechanical self immolation. It was a Greek tragedy with wrenches. It behooves me to share my experiences so you can laugh your ass off. Continue reading

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Christmas And The Tractor Of The Damned: Part I

I have been a very good boy this year. Santa brought me this… Continue reading

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Ailing Tractor VIII

This is what happened to a clutch mounting bolt. Continue reading

Posted in Garagineering, Tractor Of The Damned | 10 Comments