Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 13: You Should Have Studied STEM

The Analyst briefed the Extreme Greeters while their chopper rocketed toward the scene. Listening thought their helmet mounted headsets, each greeter did their level best to listen; but it was no use.

“So the scan of more K-cup sales than the available inventory sent up flags on the blah, blah, blah….”

The Analyst’s words continued for some time. Then there was a pause. Suddenly and en masse, the team members realized that not a single one of them had paid attention.

Bravely, their leader threw himself on the grenade. “Yeah, right. Got it. But can you repeat that last part?” Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Good leadership is priceless.

“Sure, you see we had no idea the squirrels were aware of project FRN-K but clearly they’ve added currency manipulation to their arsenal of blah, blah, blah… You should have studied STEM. Nerds rule the world. Math, math, math…”

The Analyst paused again. Once again, the entire team had zoned out.

Their leader tried to save their bacon a second time. “So, you’re saying K-cups are made of green paper? And this relates to my 401(k)?”

It was no use. Everyone on the chopper knew they looked like idiots.

Their pilot was on the same audio channel. He tried to help. “Look guys, I was listening and it’s simple. You see fractional reserve banking, interest rates, depreciation… I know math because I’m a pilot. Declination, navigation, woogy woogy woo, big fat hairy deal, drop zone in five.”

That last part got their attention! What the hell were they supposed to be doing? Shit!

They all knew secret tactical handsigns and they began to chatter amongst themselves; silently so the folks on the radio wouldn’t know they’d spaced out again.

“WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?”

“CAPTURE SQUIRRELS OR TERRORIST?”

“TARGET UNAWARE OF APPROACH. CONFIRM?”


Just then there was a disturbance in the force. Everyone in the chopper felt it. It was as if a Millennial’s whiny voice had cried out in terror and was suddenly silenced in a way that had never happened before. They looked at each other. Something great and powerful and terrible had just occurred. Something new and terrifying had sprung forth and now it was part of the world. They had no idea what form this undefined menace took but they felt it in their bones. They began nervously fidgeting with their knives and magazines. Today they’d earn their pay.

About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Adaptive Curmudgeon is handsome, brave, and wise.

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One Response to Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 13: You Should Have Studied STEM

  1. Mark Matis says:

    Just then there was a disturbance in the force.

    You mean all that beer finally got to Bart and he pooted that bad in the convenience store???

    Are any of your protagonists still alive? I mean, you haven’t said anything about providing them with gas masks:

    http://tinyurl.com/ydd3k8ou

    Imagine how much worse it would be with a bear!

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