Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 09: Who Ya’ Gonna’ Call

Twitch MacGuffin made bad choices. The evidence of this was… everything. Twitch had, of his own volition, chosen comic book colorist as his career. He’d inexplicably expected this to lead to money, respect, and women; in that order. So certain was he of this decision that he’d amassed a mountain of student loans in pursuit of this skill. Then he publicly announced he would, for the purity of his art, eschew electronic media; which rendered him unemployable. Finally, he pushed himself off the cliff when he bought ECTO1. ECTO1 was a 1959 Cadillac hearse, rebuilt and outfitted (at outlandish expense) to look like the famous vehicle from Ghostbusters. Twitch had felt ECTO1 would be a handy marketing tool; which it wasn’t. He also thought it would impress women; which it didn’t.

Twitch, who was immensely broke, lived in ECTO1; which is to say he slept nightly in a monument to bad decisions. It didn’t help that Twitch, who tended toward depression, was sure that sleeping in a hearse was tempting fate.

As the aggregation of unwise ideas bore down on him, Twitch escaped into pathos. Always straying into the strange, he decided he was addicted to coffee. He embraced caffeine in the manner most people associate with heroin. He drank unnatural amounts of the stuff with the earnest resolve of a man whose problems will all vanish if only his chest explodes while already ensconced in a hearse.

He saw the convenience store ahead, calculated that he hadn’t had coffee for 43 minutes and decided to stop. Any lesser man would arrive quietly, park discreetly, and make an uneventful purchase. Twitch floored it, turned on the custom installed Ghostbusters lights and siren, and careened into a wild skid which narrowly missed the pumps. He came to a halt with a screeching of tires and groaning of aged suspension components.

He was directly in front of the glass doors with one tire on the raised curb. Twitch had, as always, arrived with the subtlety of a plane crash.

About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Adaptive Curmudgeon is handsome, brave, and wise.

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2 Responses to Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 09: Who Ya’ Gonna’ Call

  1. Definitely getting interesting.

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