As I’ve mentioned before, the cat supply is brutally monopolized by a shadowy nefarious group of organizations headed by Bob Barker. Their evil plan is to make innocent Curmudgeons like me pay for kittens…which everyone knows should be free. If you’re too lazy to click the link I’ll summarize here:
1. I refuse to pay for a goddamned cat.
2. Humane societies of various nomenclature have goddamn cats but charge (dare I say “extort”) money for the little critters. Goddamit!.
3. Bob Barker is probably the cause of everything.
My kid and wife eagerly awaited my Curmudgeonly self to accept the inevitable and buy a cat. When I patiently and wisely waited for a convenient kitten to turn up everyone congratulated me on our savings. Just kidding. Instead my wife turned up free kittens on craigslist that were quite a distance away and my kid turned giant moon eyes on me. He made the argument that no kitten on planet earth would do save one we could get immediately and if we waited another second the terrorists would win. The same arguments were used to explain why the last round of weapons inspections in Saddam’s Iraq weren’t worth the wait.
I caved and quit working on various urgent homestead projects only after denial followed by bargaining followed by acceptance. We drove approximately 2,354 miles to pick up a kitten while I mentally catalogued the wasted time. Did I say one kitten? I meant to say two. My kid knows how to press an advantage.
So Fort Curmudgeon has two mousinators in training. I’m happy because:
1. My kid is happy.
2. Kittens are cute.
3. I circumvented Bob Barker…a feeling that’s priceless.
Just for the record, kittens are pure concentrated cute and when my kid is giggling over them I’m pretty much doomed to resist. I know that eventually the little darlings will be shitting in my shoe and eating me out of house and home while mice run rampant. As for the cost of gas and travel? All I can say is that freedom is not free and someone had to take a stand against Barker’s Imperial Empire.